Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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Mom Come Back Home…

“I wish I didn’t wake up today”, with wet eyes the young guy opened his eyes, after trying to get back to sleep, but he couldn’t….. Today is mother’s day, but where’s my mother today? Resting in peace…

He recalled the last year when he celebrated with her this day, he didn’t know it was the last occasion to share it with his mother, if he knew that, he would have asked God to stop the time, to keep her forever  in his life…

 If he knew that it was the last mother’s day for her, he would spend the whole day telling her how much her presence is appreciated and important to him… Last year she was here, but today she’s not, last year he bought her flowers on mother’s day, her  face was shining  taking the flowers from him ,  she held him with her warm arms, he almost felt himself in heaven,  while her arms were surrounding him, he felt like the angels were protecting him….. It was the last time he celebrated it with his mother.…. It was the last time he felt he was blessed by her angelic soul…..

 

“Today, I’m going to her grave”….. He mumbled, he looked towards his room’s door expecting her to knock on the door asking if he’s awake, he was waiting to hear her voice calling  from downstairs telling him to get up,  the breakfast is ready. But it was all illusions that drift him to jump from his bed believing that she’s in the kitchen preparing his breakfast, but when he got  there he broke down, knowing that he was drifted behind his illusions, his mother is not here, not in any place , his mother passed away year ago, and he’s here by his own, with her memories, thinking how his life went downwards since his mother died….

 It’s so weird, his life went as a short movie that morning, since his very first step when he was a little baby, the way she was crying after every fall he fell down, he recalled his first day in school, she stayed  with him the whole day to make sure he’s ok… With every step he took in his life, she was there for him. When he succeeded she was there to clap her hands and tell him how much she’s proud of him, and when he  failed, she was always there to tell him never mind everything is going to be ok, she was always there to hold him in his good times and bad times…. His mother was simply his world…. But today,  his world collapsed, his mother gone forever, he felt as if it’s the end of his world, nothing is going right, his life became darkness after he lost his light in his mother’s soul…..

Through his window he watched the people passing by his house, those who are holding gifts in their ways to their mother’s place, and others whose holding flowers  spreading the laughter’s  looking so happy only minutes apart them from meeting their mothers….

 He was standing watching with a broken heart, wishing if she can come home today, his illusion again tricked him, when he ran to open the door, expecting her back home again, but with disappointment, he found nobody standing at the front door… He felt it’s time to be brave and visit her grave…

 With all the sadness in the world, he walked to the graveyard, and put the flowers on her grave. He stood there with no words to speak, only tears….. He cried when he  told his mother  how  much he needs her, he apologized if he made her upset someday, he told her how much he needs to be surrounded by her arms to feel safe, because he feels so cold and his whole world has been breaking down since she died…..  He told her how hard it is to go back home every day since she left and not find her waiting for him there…..

But when he turned away with helpless steps  taking him far from this place, his heart was still there breaking over her grave begging her saying ” Please Mom, come back home!”

 Jinan

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March 22, 2010 - Posted by | Canada, childhood, Death, emotions, English, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Middle East, Mother, silence, Speak, Thought, USA, Words

9 Comments »

  1. This is to touching and brought tears to my eyes Jinan.
    Have lived without a mother most of my life, having lost her when I was 15, and have tried my best to be a good mother and be there always for my children. Her blessings keep me going, but oh I do miss her so dearly at times, when there is no one to turn to, and then she reminds me, God has always been there for me.
    Really appreciate your writings.
    Love & hugs.
    Gul

    Comment by Goolcher Navdar | June 14, 2010 | Reply

  2. A beautiful tale that makes you realize you do need to do all the “if’s” every day so you won’t have so many regrets.

    Thank you for reminding me of this.

    Comment by Sarah Butland | April 8, 2010 | Reply

  3. hi bint khali
    everytime you surprise me with something new
    ideas, thought, style of writing
    sure you do know where all come from ,
    THE GOLDEN RULE READING
    keep it up and all of the best

    Comment by meshal | April 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Hey Cousin 🙂 good to see you here..Thanks for your lovely comment!! 😀

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | April 6, 2010 | Reply

  4. Jinan,
    W~e~l~l I would say that you captured that story like writing a song. I agree with Gil on capturing feelings, emotions and thoughts. I especially like the parts, “her angelic soul” and “he lost his light in his mother’s soul”. Very nice ~Keep Shining that gorgeous light of yours Sister! ~in Light, Love, and Laughter…~~~…~~~

    Comment by Patty | March 23, 2010 | Reply

    • PATT!!! YOUR comment here is very appreciated!! Thank you so much For your lovely words… Thank you for everything..:).. xXx!!

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | March 23, 2010 | Reply

  5. Jinan,

    This has moved me to tears, how true that we can take our Mother’s for granted…. I was just about to ring mine and realised she would still be asleep….

    Thank you for reminding me with your moving story to appreciate more the person who brought me into this world and took care of my needs and gives me love unconditionally always.

    Much Love
    Gill xXx

    Comment by Gill | March 22, 2010 | Reply

    • You are welcome Gill 🙂 … I’m glad to read your words here! xXx!!

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | March 22, 2010 | Reply


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