Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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She’ll Never Know…

Soon she’ll be gone without a trace, without a memory to remind him she was there…No memories between them to make him remember her…. As if she felt  someday she’s leaving  him, even  if she stays, he will leave her because he belongs to another….  But she’ll never know if he loved her the way she did, she’ll never know all the feelings he kept inside, all the care he couldn’t provide, is it the same as what he feels inside?.. She’ll never know…

All the letters she wrote she’ll never know if he read them. If he felt her pain while she was drawing the picture of her love and longing for him…. All the hours she spent waiting for him to reply, all the tender words she saved till she meets him someday, she’ll never know  if he was there but couldn’t reply or if he’s somewhere else with another…..

It’s the shadow of goodbye starting to get closer, she can’t step backward yet can’t move forward, she was living the goodbye in every moment with him, but now when she’ll be forced to leave him, she wants to stay more, maybe it’s the love the very true love she feels, or maybe she wants to be sure he’s fine all the time…. But she’ll never know if he’ll be happy if she stays longer or he would be sad if she disappears forever, he knows but she’ll never know….

 the clouds are covering her sky, she wishes if the rain pours to wash her face, to wash her tears, to ease the pain from her wounded heart…. She knows the storm is so near, soon or later she’ll be gone.

She will be missing his smile, his voice and all the words he used to say even the ones that made her cry… Soon she’ll be gone but she’ll miss his presence and all the things he used to do, even the ones to make her mad….  But she’ll never know if he will miss her the way she does or more….

The same sunshine that brightened her life when she met him for the first time, is burning her heart now…. The laughter she used to share with him, is gone now…  And she’ll never know what made him loose the power to keep her smiling….

Struggling between staying and leaving, in the end she’ll leave…. Maybe to stop her heart from bleeding, maybe she feels he never belonged to her…. Even though she wishes to stay to always be there for him when he needs her… But sooner or later, she’ll be gone, looking over her shoulder while leaving to make sure he’ll be fine… 

She keeps asking herself the reason behind meeting him, but she’ll never know why she did… Walking away someday without leaving any trace, without leaving any memory, just heart ache because she will never know if he heard her words, if he saved her photos, if he will remember her after she leaves… She’ll never know if he knows how hurt she is by leaving him…. The same person she loved today will be a memory for her tomorrow but she’ll never know if he loved her the way she did, she’ll never know all the feelings he kept inside, all the care he couldn’t provide is it the same what he feels inside?.. She’ll never know…

 

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April 22, 2010 - Posted by | Canada, emotions, English, forgiveness, friendship, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Past, silence, Speak, Thought, Trust, Words

10 Comments »

  1. […] (photo : jinanzeidan.wordpress.com) […]

    Pingback by Pleasure of love is for a moment but pain of it is for ……LIFETIME : Part-IX | anoptimistic | June 24, 2014 | Reply

  2. Wow!!! So deep… beautiful and sad. She is leaving because of selfless love…

    Comment by jacob | April 24, 2010 | Reply

  3. Wonderful, very heart-warming. God bless you.

    Comment by Jessy | April 24, 2010 | Reply

  4. Oh my, Jinan, there is a book in you, a marvelous straight from the heart book, your words are so eloquent and touching. So glad you are sharing your blog with us.

    Comment by T. N | April 24, 2010 | Reply

  5. Beautiful writing. I can resonate with this as I am struggling with staying or leaving after 28 years. So much of what you wrote is true especially the bit about not knowing what you have got until it has gone and will he be alright and looked after. Thank you so much. May you continue your use your wonderful gift and may God continue to bless you.

    Comment by Gabby | April 24, 2010 | Reply

  6. speechless…

    Comment by Nour | April 24, 2010 | Reply

  7. I love this, it’s so heart felt. I think your writing connects us to you and to other people that feel the same unspoken feelings that you are able to express out loud.
    Thank you for your wonderful words 🙂

    Comment by Susan | April 22, 2010 | Reply

  8. Thank you Jinnan, beautifully written as always. 🙂

    ♥(¯`*•.¸❤ ♥BeLoVe♥ ❤¸.•*´¯)♥

    Until you have truly loved, how can you know what true love is, until you have truly loved and your heart and arms wide open, how can you give and accept love and life as it truly is. Until you have truly loved you cannot know what true love is. Sometimes things and people of great value are not appreciated until they are no longer there, history repeats this is unfortunately one of those sad facts of life.

    Sometimes people are catalysts, some offer comfort, some open doors, and some close them, some offer choices, and some point the way. When a heart has blossomed open, it is a wonder to see, the love shared everywhere, within and without, sometimes painful, but always essential.

    I will leave the writing to people who can. Namaste XxX

    Comment by BPA | April 22, 2010 | Reply

  9. This is beautiful Jinan! Your words speak volumes and I wonder if there may be a book in there somewhere?
    Love to you, Pemma xXx

    Comment by Pemma | April 22, 2010 | Reply

  10. Jinan,

    Wow what can I say, your words are beautful, they made me cry….
    You have a wonderful gift, thank you for sharing it with us…

    Much Love as always…Gill xXx

    Comment by Gill | April 22, 2010 | Reply


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