Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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Hope You Understand…

She received his message saying: “Things didn’t work out, hope you understand”. She fainted, “Understand what?” She mumbled while recalling his smile, and all the words he said before when nothing seemed to be weird, he even said he’ll come for a long visit next time, but it seems she is not going to understand what she just received… Time stopped and her memory took her back to the day when she met him, never showing her that he might leave and never come back, “How could he disguise himself?”, looking in her eyes all the time showing nothing but the good side of him. “How could I understand his act?” She wondered about his smiles, “How could he fake it?” For one second she wished she had never met him, or at least if he has the courage to face her with the reason that lies behind his words. What hurt her wasn’t that he’s not coming back, but the fact that he lacked the courage to tell her at least anything to make her understand…

Her life turned into cloudy days, and his message erased the smile that used to decorate her face. With every moment passing, bringing back to her his words saying: “Will see you”, her tears find their way to those words and leave nothing but the fear of coming days… How was she supposed to understand what he never said? How could she understand the idea of not seeing him again after he said he’s coming back? It wasn’t the feeling of love that aches her heart, it was the lies he said and what was revealed after he left. It wasn’t that she’s missing him, what aches her deeply was her wounded pride for letting him enter her life and mess with her feelings, the feelings he’ll never know, the ones that stayed unknown…

She understood now that she can’t let him know that she used to smile every time he crossed her mind, and that her world changed to happy rhythm day and night. She can’t let him know that her prayers used to flow towards him wherever he goes, asking God nothing but to keep him safe. She can’t let him know how she used to wait for his call and how her eyes used to shine after she heard his voice. The simple, the very simple words he used to say were making her the happiest girl… She can’t tell him anything anymore!! He just fades away with no reason to convince her, with no courage from him to tell her why. It was a very short while but painful at the time… Maybe he came to leave but it’s hard to breathe when she thinks of him.

The reality remains unknown, the questions she asked not answered…

It’s hard to think of the person who she had good thoughts about as bad one, through the weird act he made that erased the good feeling she used to feel towards him. Feelings are not something to play with, or to take for granted, the feelings are like a fragile heart. A sensitive person who gives the best of him to others, but when he is faced with lies and disguises, those feelings would get wounded and the heart would be broken. It’s not the love that makes her heart broken only, it’s all mixed together, all the feelings that lead to knowing him, all break…

With ignorance, she acted like she understood, though she didn’t and still she would want to know the reason that made him say that he’ll come back, but the courage he lacks prevented him from doing that. How is she supposed to understand what he never said?? How can she move and trust anyone that might come her way? She didn’t understand, how he came to hurt her so bad and move forward as if he never knew her? … Replying to his message for the last time with tears in her eyes, saying: “I understand you were a big mistake, maybe you came to leave but why is it hard to breathe every time your face comes to my mind? Why couldn’t you wait to be in the right time to see my face, but everything went wrong after you left?… But before she even continued typing, she deleted her message feeling she doesn’t want to know anything anymore. She just felt that he left a painful wound in her heart, her heart that she promised to never let him get hurt. Now she caused him a big ache, a painful trace things didn’t, but if he never said any word, how can she understand what he never said? … What hurt her wasn’t that he’s not coming back, but the fact that the courage he lacked to tell her at least anything to make her understand…

Jinan

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June 28, 2010 - Posted by | Canada, emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, others, Past, Peace, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Words

13 Comments »

  1. Wonderful…i love it:)

    Comment by dolitaa | May 29, 2011 | Reply

  2. Hi Jinan
    you know sometimes i just wonder an ask why does this happen with us ?
    why do those people come into our lives?
    what is the point of it?
    to many questions ,but no answers
    all we can do is believe in god’s will and accept gracefully what we recieve from him and know for sure that its for our own good even though we dont understand why.

    Comment by joumana | July 10, 2010 | Reply

  3. Wonderful as always Jinan we must Forgive others so we can move forward with Unconditional Love & Compassion for all our Brothers and Sisters . Love is All Compassion is Essential . I Love you Sister xXx

    Comment by Brenda McAleer | June 28, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank you so much Brenda.. As always for being loyal to my writing like many others… I truly appreciate YOU & your comments as well… 🙂 Love you too Sister!!

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | June 28, 2010 | Reply

  4. hi jinan this is the first time i read your posts..i wanna thank you coz it encourage me for moving forward..even though,its to hard to just walk away of things that meant a lot to me..so thanks & keep on…

    Comment by suha | June 28, 2010 | Reply

  5. Thank you Jinan a very bitter sweet post. I have experienced these feelings and at the time its one of the hardest things to come to terms with, but once we understand we dont always have to know why. We can free ourselves and move on to a new place and accept it as another lesson learned in life. I have learned not to hold on to the bad feelings that are instilled in one when they hurt but to let go and give even more of myself to that person in the hope they find peace and happiness. My blessings and love to you for a beautiful piece. xxxxx

    Comment by Gabby | June 28, 2010 | Reply

    • Gabby..:) Thank you so much for your comment…
      Yes , sometimes as I mentioned in my previous post ” Let them go with a smile ” we need to let them go even if we didn’t know the reason that pushed them away , If we accept that we should forgive them & move on, this would free us… So glad you liked my post Gabby… Love and blessings for you too..:D

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | June 28, 2010 | Reply

  6. Nicely Put.

    Comment by VISHAL PANDE | June 28, 2010 | Reply

  7. Hope You Understand? « Jinan Zeidan's Blog…

    I found your entry interesting so I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…

    Trackback by All Around the World News | June 28, 2010 | Reply

    • THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! I Truly appreciate what you did!!! 😀

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | June 28, 2010 | Reply

  8. Very riveting.
    With time even the pain eases and only the sweet memories of love experienced remains, not the (might have been), nor the treachery of love betrayed. The dependancy of the other brings only grief. When you liberate yourself of it, your inner self sets aside the ego and reaches out to the source for strenght, a renewed sense of oneness and happiness. JOY returns to you once you turn your preoccupation outward toward helping others. For JOY XXO

    Comment by Francine Ste-Marie | June 28, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank you so much Francine.. AS always, your comments is so lovely and apreciated..:) xoxox

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | June 28, 2010 | Reply


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