The child who touched my heart
Four years old, he was sitting on the floor playing with his toys when I entered with my friend. We were visiting his mother. I don’t know her; I was just there because my friend asked me to accompany her. Looking at me with an innocent smile, never a word towards me from the minute I entered; it seemed to me that he was used to my friend’s presence. I was watching him, he didn’t move from his place. I never got any vibe that he might have any problem. Maybe I noticed he couldn’t talk, but then I thought that maybe he’s still too young to talk yet or maybe just too shy. There I was, a stranger in his house, yet he was smiling all the time, as if he wanted to come to sit on my lap, but it was as if something was preventing him from doing so. My friend asked him to go to her, but then I found out what I never expected to find. He was crawling to reach her. For a moment, I froze, watching him crawl, looking at the smile that never left his face, and trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. He looks healthy, but a four year old, not being able to walk? That seemed odd to me. So I asked his mom what’s wrong and she said, “He had a problem in his head since he was born and he had surgery months ago.” When I asked her if he will stay like that for the rest of his life, she said: “He is undergoing therapy; he might or might not get better.”
I felt as if someone moved me to another world so different from mine, where I felt a tragedy consuming an innocent heart, and the happiness not there long enough to leave even a footprint. His smile that he kept showing, it was that effort that kept him afloat from drowning through his life’s tragedy.
After the hard effort he made, he reached out to my friend and kept pointing at me. My friend held him and handed him to me. Having him on my lap was another feeling; he was talking words I never heard but I felt them so deep. Those words made me cry silently, yet I felt my tears shedding down on my face when I knew that his words meant that he wanted to leave the house with me. I was asking him questions and smiling but I couldn’t hide my tears; it was the first time that a child made me cry and touched my heart so deeply. I don’t remember what I was saying but all what I was trying to do is to avoid my friend and the child’s mother from seeing my tears falling. Maybe I didn’t want his mother to feel bad about her son or maybe I didn’t want to show the hidden side of my personality, the side that I always try to keep hidden.
I thought I’m a strong human being but I was surprised how in less than a minute God showed me that I’m the weakest. And showed me how blessed I am just because i’m able to walk . I thought I’m the happiest but in less than an hour God showed me that he can make me the saddest and the happiness can fade away in one second.
I kept holding the child and I felt as If something was binding me to him. I felt it even stronger when it was time to leave. His eyes were begging me to stay as if he’s a prisoner but it wasn’t jail. His hands were holding my hands tightly as if I’m the only one who will save him from his unlimited suffering. But I couldn’t do anything to help; it was the weakest moment I ever felt in my whole life. I knew how weak we are in front of God’s will, no matter how much we have faith in God, we feel it’s so little when we stand up crippled in front of the fate he draws us to.
He held my hand and in his other hand he was holding his little pillow. I remember his mother’s answer after I asked her about it; she used to put it on his head to protect the injured area after his surgery. In the middle of the night, he wakes up to hold it as if it’s the only friend he has.
On my way back home, I didn’t stop asking my friend questions about his situation; my heart was torn. The image of his little face kept coming back to me, his helpless words, and his voice that kept playing in my ears. He was just a four year old child who I saw for the first time, who crawled towards me with a hopeless smile, asking me for something. However, I still don’t know what it was… All I knew was that he touched my heart. I realized how weak I am and the tears keep shedding down my face with every time I remember that child’s face…
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