Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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The child who touched my heart

Four years old, he was sitting on the floor playing with his toys when I entered with my friend. We were visiting his mother. I don’t know her; I was just there because my friend asked me to accompany her. Looking at me with an innocent smile, never a word towards me from the minute I entered; it seemed to me that he was used to my friend’s presence. I was watching him, he didn’t move from his place. I never got any vibe that he might have any problem. Maybe I noticed he couldn’t talk, but then I thought that maybe he’s still too young to talk yet or maybe just too shy. There I was, a stranger in his house, yet he was smiling all the time, as if he wanted to come to sit on my lap, but it was as if something was preventing him from doing so. My friend asked him to go to her, but then I found out what I never expected to find. He was crawling to reach her. For a moment, I froze, watching him crawl, looking at the smile that never left his face, and trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. He looks healthy, but a four year old, not being able to walk? That seemed odd to me. So I asked his mom what’s wrong and she said, “He had a problem in his head since he was born and he had surgery months ago.” When I asked her if he will stay like that for the rest of his life, she said: “He is undergoing therapy; he might or might not get better.”

I felt as if someone moved me to another world so different from mine, where I felt a tragedy consuming an innocent heart, and the happiness not there long enough to leave even a footprint. His smile that he kept showing, it was that effort that kept him afloat from drowning through his life’s tragedy.

After the hard effort he made, he reached out to my friend and kept pointing at me. My friend held him and handed him to me. Having him on my lap was another feeling; he was talking words I never heard but I felt them so deep. Those words made me cry silently, yet I felt my tears shedding down on my face when I knew that his words meant that he wanted to leave the house with me. I was asking him questions and smiling but I couldn’t hide my tears; it was the first time that a child made me cry and touched my heart so deeply. I don’t remember what I was saying but all what I was trying to do is to avoid my friend and the child’s mother from seeing my tears falling. Maybe I didn’t want his mother to feel bad about her son or maybe I didn’t want to show the hidden side of my personality, the side that I always try to keep hidden.

I thought I’m a strong human being but I was surprised how in less than a minute God showed me that I’m the weakest. And showed me  how blessed I am  just because i’m able to walk . I thought I’m the happiest but in less than an hour God showed me that he can make me the saddest and the happiness can fade away in one second.

I kept holding the child and I felt as If something was binding me to him. I felt it even stronger when it was time to leave. His eyes were begging me to stay as if he’s a prisoner but it wasn’t jail. His hands were holding my hands tightly as if I’m the only one who will save him from his unlimited suffering. But I couldn’t do anything to help; it was the weakest moment I ever felt in my whole life. I knew how weak we are in front of God’s will,  no matter how much we have faith in God, we feel it’s so little when we stand up crippled in front of  the fate he draws us to.

He held my hand and in his other hand he was holding his little pillow. I remember his mother’s answer after I asked her about it; she used to put it on his head to protect the injured area after his surgery. In the middle of the night, he wakes up to hold it as if it’s the only friend he has.

On my way back home, I didn’t stop asking my friend questions about his situation; my heart was torn. The image of his little face kept coming back to me, his helpless words, and his voice that kept playing in my ears. He was just a four year old child who I saw for the first time, who crawled towards me with a hopeless smile, asking me for something. However, I still don’t know what it was… All I knew was that he touched my heart. I realized how weak I am and the tears keep shedding down my face with every time I remember that child’s face…

 Jinan

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July 22, 2010 - Posted by | Canada, childhood, emotions, English, fear, friendship, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Mother, news, others, Peace, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Words

15 Comments »

  1. Great Story Jinan..
    Lee Trevino, a Professional golfer once said;
    ” No matter how bad you’ve got it , you only have to go a mile from your house to find someone who’s got it a lot worse.”
    Its all about what you do with what you have that makes you a Winner. The saying is true “Winners are just ordinary people making an extraordinary effort.”

    Comment by SidOly | April 19, 2011 | Reply

  2. Jinan…this experience was not to show you how weak you are…or how helpless or weak he is…it was meant to draw out of both of you how strong you two are…this was a yin/yang experience…there is nothing wrong with him…he chose that body to show us all the power of God`s Love and Light…like a tiny speck of light in a dark room illuminates so loudly…he is an angel sent to teach you the importance of smiling…no matter what…to show you that Love is more important than ego…

    Comment by Reuben Angelo | April 19, 2011 | Reply

  3. hi jinan, how u doing….really nice work again… it made me cry 2… but u know such incidences in life only make us feel strong n compassionate …i think we cry n feel weak when we see misery around us but more to it life always teaches us at every step n in bits and pieces and also make us realise dat noting is imperfect in gods world….its just faith n never 2 give up feeling dat make everybody a winner… like dat special child who still kept smiling even after being crippled…….
    regards…………

    Comment by sanya | July 26, 2010 | Reply

  4. Hi there,
    As usual thanks for every single word
    once again I congratulate you more and more
    shows to me how much time you are investing in reading
    keep it up!

    Comment by meshal | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Hey cousin 🙂
      Glad to see you posting a comment here 😉
      Thank you so much for .

      Take care!!

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  5. Jinan,

    This is a beautifully written story. Thanks so much for writing it and please never stop writing. It’s amazing how much this story touches the hearts of those having read or will read it. The little boy shares his courage with the world through your story and maybe that’s what your meeting him is all about.

    Love you,
    Doris

    Comment by Doris | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  6. What a Beautiful story Jinan this little boy is more than an acquaintance to you there is more . You have a beautiful heart and soul and are connected to this child in some way you are also not weak you are strong and show emotions which we should show 🙂 I Love you sister you warm my heart with your writings . Can’t wait for your next story 🙂

    Comment by Brenda McAleer | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  7. Wow, Jinan what a touching story, you are a beautiful writer!

    Comment by Katie Melton | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  8. Did you ever get to see him again or find out if the therapy helped. It is such a poignant story. Instinctively the heart goes to him in compassion. I will send you a meditation to send him love and healing in a Gnote.

    Your writing is so fascinating. thank you for sharing.
    Love Francine XXO

    Comment by Francine Ste-Marie | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  9. What a beautiful story Jinan of how an experience of exquisite connection can change a belief in a heartbeat. It feels as if the Light of Divine Love was being recognised in each other, by the other, way beyond the outward manifestion of human suffering.
    Thank you for your courage, your compassion and you vulnerability in sharing this with us.
    I honor both of you for your grace in this present lifetime.
    Namaste

    Comment by Pemma | July 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank You So mauch pemma 🙂 as always your comments are very appreciated… Thank you so much, the honor is mine to see your comments on my articles 🙂

      Take care ❤

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  10. A beautiful heartfelt post and obviously for you a very sad one but like everything there are lessons to be learned. We see this as a tradegy and heart breaking, but if our faith is strong enough we will recognise that this child is blessed beyond all measures of doubt. Yes he has suffered and will continue to suffer in different ways but God protects him and shields him from the life that we know as normal. He smiles because he sees love, goodness, kindness, peace, joy in everyone around him, Just as God sees all these things in us. As heart breaking as it is to watch and see this suffering particularly when it involves a child always remember God has blessed them and already there is an eternal place in His home waiting for these special, called upon beings. As Jesus says, “But Jesus called them unto Him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Luke 18:16). God bless you Jinan, put a big smile on your beautiful face and keep loving the world. Offer prayers up for this little boy and his mum and give thanks for all your blessings. Many blessings and love to you always xxxx

    Comment by Gabby | July 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Gabby..:) Thank you so much..:) your visits to my Blog are very appreciated.

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  11. what a touching post !
    Sometimes in life we are just helpless and cant change the situation even if we want to.
    The child or his mother has not done any mistake in life to deserve this.There are so many dangerous people in this world who have committed serious crimes but have escaped punishment.I agree with you sometimes God’s will is so different and difficult to digest.But then we have to console ourselves by saying that this is the judgement of past life’s mistakes.
    My heart goes to the child and his beautiful smile

    Comment by VISHAL PANDE | July 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank you Vishal , your visits are more than welcome on my blog.. I truly appreciate your comments..:) thank you!

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | July 22, 2010 | Reply


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