Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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Because Of You, My Friend.

I started to search for another concept in my life. I owe you and thank you for causing me to learn the greatest lessons of life because at one point you were my friend. The jokes and laughter we used to share, I now realize that those moments were fake.  The repetition of specific habits that we used to do, and the laughter we shared, make my eyes wet and my heart ache for the moments I failed to keep while you were my friend. We ask, “Why do we have to be apart?” We swore to stay close using words like “forever”. That made us proud of our friendship, but now it’s a lesson to learn how words are so easy to say and difficult to accomplish. I learned because of you my friend.

People have excuses for everything. Its life’s fault when it comes to the reason behind the people we lost. Its destiny’s responsibility when it comes to the loved ones who left us. It’s God’s will to get hurt and keep silent. People always blame life, destiny & God sometimes, for the weaknesses that they have. But there is no one to blame but ourselves for choosing the wrong people to walk with us on our path. It’s not your mistake my friend that you were disloyal, it’s my fault for not reading the signs. It’s not that you were right that kept me silent, it’s my pride that led me to face you in a gentle way. Because you were my friend, now I know how to read the signs when God sends them to me, and I know how to distinguish the right people to walk on the same path with me.  I learned the most important lessons because of you, I wouldn’t have learned them if you were not in my life.

 I still miss you when I open the album that has the photos that we took during the amazing moments we shared. And as I recall those moments, I won’t lie to you, I confess that sometimes I still cry. I cry because I’m a human who has feelings that were hurt by the person who’s in the photo. And the same feelings start to confuse me, because I don’t know if it’s the scar that aches or the fact that I miss those days, but I learned how to skip the page and never regret those who caused me pain – yet another lesson I learned because you were my friend.

How do I stop loving you? I don’t know how. The pranks I used to do and the way you used to accept and return them, made me want to call you and ask you why you betrayed those moments. How could I stop thinking of you after you showed me the strength that’s within me? I was smiling when I was facing you with your lies, and I never knew how bold I was until then. I forgave you when it was so hard to be forgiving, and I didn’t have any idea how forgiving my heart can be until then. I wish you gave me a logical reason because back then, I didn’t know how sometimes people can be illogical. I learned how to accept goodbyes, not because I blame fate for knowing you, but because it was my mistake for trusting you, and that was another new lesson to learn, because of you my friend.

I don’t hate you, and I wouldn’t even if I could. Hatred is a feeling of weakness, when we can’t accept our loss. Some of us choose to hate, some choose to forget and others choose to learn and forgive. Sometimes, we lose something to gain in return, many other things. We are forced to be distant from people we used to know to meet other people that we should know. I’m lost when it comes to the meaning of “Friends”. We make promises, and spend days together more than we spend time with our real family. We stick together, and are there for each other for better and for worse. So how can we get separated in a split second and walk down different tracks after we were walking in the same direction? I’m lost when it comes to the meaning of this word. I don’t blame you because you were my friend; I was the one who called you by that name, and I’m the one to blame.

I changed the way I used to look towards people. I started to search for a new concept, where I am aware from the friends who are hiding behind that word, instead of being lost in the meaning of the word “Friends”. Because of you my friend, I’m now stronger than before. When you asked for my help, I was the bigger person who set aside my own pain that you caused, in order to help you. Because after I did that, I became at peace with myself, knowing that what I did will hopefully teach you a lesson from me about what I think the meaning of a “Friend” is.

 Jinan

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July 23, 2010 - Posted by | childhood, emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Past, Peace, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Words

21 Comments »

  1. Dear Jinan,

    The lessons we learn are not always easy and the ones that involve people we love and care for hit us hardest. I suppose we have to accept that we are human and with that we are all flawed. We can only move on with an open heart and hopefully learn a little from our own as well as others mistakes.

    Much Love.. Gill xXx

    Comment by Gill | April 13, 2011 | Reply

  2. If You never stop loving…You may gain more than a friend…You may gain Your Soul….

    Comment by Reuben Angelo | April 13, 2011 | Reply

  3. Very powerful Jinan!…I know people who feel or have felt this way before….This reminds me of the book: “The Little Soul In The Sun” by Neale Donal Walsh…a true friend won`t always stoke your ego…they will risk the friendship by allowing themselves to be shunned or cut off by you so that you may see all of who you have chosen to be…and learn forgiveness…so that they may learn humility and loss from their needed life lessons…”when you can`t beat em…join em”…for no one and nothing can beat Pure True Love and forgiveness…for YOU are to be the Light of the world..The Sun…and the sun has no enemies…no weaknesses..no fears…and can not be hurt….

    Comment by Reuben Angelo | April 13, 2011 | Reply

  4. It was extremely interesting for me to read that blog. Thanx for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to this matter. I would like to read a bit more on that blog soon.

    Julia Hakkinen

    Comment by Julia Hakkinen | December 2, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank you so much Julia, it’s my pleasure to see you here.. I hope you enjoy reading my other posts as well.

      be well,

      Jinan

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | December 3, 2010 | Reply

  5. Hey I love it. I believe we raised up to love
    care,share and be nice.But when we exposed to the real world we were shocked. I believe it is a lifelong learning lessons we have to face, but at least we did not change. We are still forgiving them although it hurts bad at that time but the most important thing is that we have the blessing of forgetting.Thanks God for this blessing.
    Miss you.

    Comment by Sousou | November 21, 2010 | Reply

  6. hey… again an amazing write up dear lady……keep up d gud work…
    goodluck.

    Comment by sanya | July 29, 2010 | Reply

  7. Hi dear
    a very wise sentence to start your article with
    its all about do we know ourselves
    jus to add to your information
    you know socrates philosfy its all about know yourself
    and when he was dying they asked him
    what did you know all about
    he replied I KNOW THAT I KNEW NOTHING
    another great article
    keep it up

    Comment by meshal | July 29, 2010 | Reply

  8. This is good,however.Dig deeper it’s in there I can see it in your smile.

    Comment by elarmneen bey | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  9. Ahh, grasshopper.
    You have learned your lessons well.
    And wisdom does not come from the easy road.

    Your writing is improving with every Post as well, well done. 🙂
    I liked this Post a lot.

    Cheers Peter

    Comment by Peter | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Well, I must confess I’m very happy to hear that,
      from the same person who left a comment first when I started my blog & who was correcting my typo in ” about me ” 😀

      You are right, wisdom does not come from the easy road 🙂
      It’s my pleasure to read your comments!!
      thank you so much!!! tc

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | July 24, 2010 | Reply

      • A Typo brought us together.
        The Lord works in mysterious ways, huh.
        Haha
        🙂

        Comment by recision | July 24, 2010

      • Yes, indeed!! 😀

        Comment by Jinan Zeidan | July 25, 2010

  10. Dear Jinan,
    Pleased to read your writing, “because of you my freind”.
    I Loved your piece about the little child; beautiful, to me anyway. As can only speak for myself, the two stories seem so foreign to each other. Words, are very important to me, as I feel they must be to you.
    Don’t mind me giving out…Much Love always,to you and yours, Pete xxx
    p.s. my brother Jim, has joined “Glog” due to your super story re the “Elderly(my mum)Woman” who got in the back of the car…..!! bless you…

    Comment by peter lawlor | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  11. i am moved.Nice One.

    Comment by VISHAL PANDE | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  12. I really identified with this post, Jinan. Friend is a word that is used loosely by some. & the loss of a “friend” really is a gain in knowledge for the future.

    Comment by Lucy | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  13. Nice. I like it.

    Comment by Hani | July 23, 2010 | Reply

  14. Hello sweet Jinan. The lessons of life come in many forms just as the people who teach them do. I “find” the lesson most often after the hurt subsides. Be thankful always that you are
    capable of finding the lesson behind the pain. It is truly a gift indeed. Many Blessings SiS.

    Comment by Chandra Teslar | July 23, 2010 | Reply

  15. Awesome story Jinan you write beautifully 🙂 Love you sis

    Comment by Brenda McAleer | July 23, 2010 | Reply


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