Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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Behind Closing Doors

Have you ever looked deeply in their eyes? There is a hidden message, have you ever read it? Through their silence, did you try to hear their unspoken words? They were screaming for help, have you ever heard them? When they take away their own life, you judge them as bad people or even unstable ones, but who knows what they have been through to reach that level of depression that pushed them to commit suicide? Behind closing doors we never know what’s going on in other’s lives.

People face a tremendous number of troubles, a few prefer to consult a psychologist, and some think that it’s a personal issue no one should interfere with. In the other hand they drown in the troubles. They keep on increasing until they lose control of themselves; they pay the price or the people who are close to them pay the price. Sometimes, the problem may be a very simple one, but it depends on the age of the person. When a 10 year old boy/girl faces a situation of bullying in school, at the same time he/she might have family problems and no one is there to listen to them. That for sure would affect their life, especially with the insecurity they are facing in their home. They would be having difficulties in their study, and also lack of self-esteem. They would think that they are not welcome in this life, instead of having good time in school to forget their problems at home, they are being scared to go there watching everyone destroying them. And when they go back home after school, instead of having a loving family who can help them, they are having a hard time with their parents. For them it is as if they are moving from hell to hell. When those children commit suicide, then everyone would wake up, and start searching for the reasons that lead that child to take away his/her life. They start wondering and recalling how they were always calm; they were polite and never talked in a loud voice. They were obeying, never hurt anyone. At home their parents go to check if there are any obstacles that their child was facing in school, and there they know what was going on with their child, but after what? After they lost them. Where were they when their child was coming back from school with teary eyes? Where were they when they called him/her for lunch and said they prefer to stay in their room? Where were they when their child woke up crying and feeling scared not knowing what to do. They never think of their child until after they lose them. They then remember that they should go and ask about what was happening with their child. This is what I call selfish. When parents want to be selfish, why would they get married? When they don’t want to protect their children with their eyes, why would they have children? If they are immature to solve their troubles with wisdom, why would they involve other lives in theirs?

 We don’t expect a 10 year old child or even 15 years old teen to get what’s going on around them. When it’s too much to handle, especially at this age , they need caring people to keep on watching over them and guiding them to the right track, because even if they passed that phase in their life, they might drown later when they get older. They would be involved in other issues, like: drugs, violence, stealing etc.. If they opened their eyes watching their dad violent with their mom, they would do the same when they get married, and they would consider their actions right, because their dad is their idle. We never know what’s going on behind closing doors. Families face battles, and the silence that covers up, we would explore suddenly with hearing shocking news, and our first thought is: “They looked like a very happy family, what happened to them?” But the truth is, they’ve never been a happy family, their home’s doors were closing all the time, and we never know what was going on there. However, some people love to judge others; it’s in their nature. They never look at the reasons that led to that person to take way his/her life; they always focus on the result.

A little accident happened with me lately. Someone knocked on our door, I opened up and I saw an old man in his early 60’s. He seemed lost, something in his eyes made me wonder at the same moment what’s with that man. He asked me about my dad, I replied that dad is not home. I was about to ask him if he would like to leave a message to dad, he left me talking to myself and turned his back and left. My mom came at that moment and saw me and the expression on my face because of how he left. She asked me: “Who’s that? And what does he want?” I was really shocked and said, “What’s going on with that man? He just left me talking to myself without saying a word of thanks. I was kind of not satisfied about what he did, especially that I was very polite with him. My mother smiled for what happened with me, but in someway, that man stuck on my head. I kept thinking of what was wrong with him, he seemed very lost, his eyes were really teary. I felt something wrong with him and that’s why he was on my mind until a few days ago, I heard that he committed suicide. I was shocked, and recalled the moment I opened the door and saw him standing there lost, as if he’s searching for something. I knew the reason why he left me talking to myself without even saying “Thank you” or if as he’ll come again later. I recognized how much he was not there even when he was there asking about my dad. He wasn’t focusing on what he’s doing or with whom he’s talking. Later on, I knew from others who knew that man that he has tremendous troubles in his family and with his son. I wish I never saw him. I keep wondering why did he give up at this age? He must have been in a very difficult situation through his life, but why would he give up now? He’s supposed to be stronger and wiser to deal with his problems. But then again, I’m not in his shoes to know what was going on with that old man. I keep recalling his teary eyes and wish I could help him. I never knew that people at this age might take away their life too. Now I know more than ever, that no matter how strong the person might be, no matter how happy the person might look, in one moment he might be the weakest, and in one moment he might collapse and break down. 

Never bully a person, you should be thinking that you may be pushing them to end their lives. Never ignore the tears you see in other’s eyes, with one question you ask: “Are you okay? Can I help you?” you may be saving his life by knowing that there is someone ready to open his arms and hold them and stand by them. Always try to make those who feel insecure, feel security. Find a way and show them love and care, you may be helping them to live longer.

Behind closing doors, there is a hidden secret; you can’t break those doors to find the truth. But at least, never judge in a bad way on those who take away their life, or even on those who try to and fail. Ask yourself why didn’t you wipe their tears at least once? Why didn’t you hear them screaming instead of closing your ears? Why didn’t you think to solve their problems when they kept silent? It’s true that their home’s door was closed and you couldn’t do anything to help, but why didn’t you ever take the chance to get close to them when they opened the door and left their home, instead of judging them?

  Jinan

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November 28, 2010 - Posted by | childhood, Death, emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Letters, Life, Love, Memorial, Memories, Mother, news, others, outsiders, Parents, Past, Peace, Poverty, Promises, silence, Smile, Speak, suicide, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Violence, Words, youth

6 Comments »

  1. very nice Jinan.

    Comment by Hani | November 28, 2010 | Reply

  2. What a Beautiful message I too can relate to your story having had an alcoholic husband for 23 years until I decided that it was enough.. You touch many hearts sweetheart you should be publishing a book you would sell many I Love you dear one Many Blessings & Miracles now and Always Love Brenda

    Comment by Brenda McAleer | November 28, 2010 | Reply

  3. Dearest Jinan,
    I struggled with depression for a very long time. I was lucky enough to have a very supportive network of family and friends who were there when I let the door crack open a bit. It is a very lonely and dark place to be. Separation from humanity is never easy, even when it is by choice,or for psychological reasons. It is indeed important to have observant people around when you shut the door. Thank you for addressing this very sensitive topic to many. Always on the spot little one. Keep up the good work.
    Much Love,
    Chandra

    Comment by Chandra Teslar | November 28, 2010 | Reply

  4. Jinan
    Sometimes with depression it is from inside the person and how they perceive the world. I spent 10 years battling that kind of depression. My family was very loving and careing, but this was a battle I had to fight alone. Perhaps it did help that I had those who loved me in my environment. But ultimately it was up to me to change on the inside and learn to love life again.

    YOur article is very moving and I could feel the pain of the gentleman who came to your door and yes those hollow unseeing eyes are a big warning sign that the person needs some support.

    Keep writing this is great.

    Comment by Vickie Nitzsche | November 28, 2010 | Reply

  5. Jinan,

    Again…..wonderful post! I truly understand so much of what your post is about. I was married to an alcoholic for 25 years and so many of those years were lived behind closed doors. Denial became a way of life just to keep avoiding the pain and depression. My ex died in 2006. I have 2 beautiful daughters that struggle with growing up with an alcoholic father. I am always there for them and do all I can to help them whenever they need it.

    Thanks again for your insight and courage!

    Doris

    Comment by Doris Stackpole | November 28, 2010 | Reply

  6. My Darling Girl,
    Once again your have touched my heart with
    your intuitive writing. Jinan, you have so,
    so much wisdom. You would make an excellent
    Teacher, Childs Advocate, and my dear the list
    goes on.
    I know your family is proud of you as I am
    as well. Be proud of yourself; You have so
    much to offer the world through your writing. Never stop.
    I Love You,
    Arlene.

    Comment by Arlene Meuchel | November 28, 2010 | Reply


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