Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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To My Daughter With Love…

Every morning with the sunrise, a new pain starts in someone’s life, a new hope is renewed in someone’s eyes, fighting to live, or fighting to give.  Give the person who needs them, the caring and the love they are lacking…

Sarah lives in the city now, has to learn to deal with this kind of life.  Where the time passes so fast, people running to get early to work, as if they are chasing time. She comes from a village, a place in the mountains where everything is calm and quiet. Where all the people know each other and care for each other, even if they are in a hurry.  They have the time to look at the person who’s passing them by and say good morning.  But from now on, she has to get used to the city life, for the sake of her angel…. As usual, every morning she drinks her coffee rapidly, gets dressed, takes her flowers and runs rapidly so to never miss her morning customer.

It’s true she has all the day to sell her flowers, but looking at this one persons eyes in the morning making her rich, not financially, but emotionally…. Those eyes fill her heart with happiness, and her day with security.  “Good morning madam”, this the voice she waits to hear every morning.  She looks back at that girl and says, “Good morning to you young lady, here’s your flower”.  With a shining smile the young girl takes her flower and gives the dollar to the flower seller.  “Thank you, your flowers fill my days with a warm perfume”. With a little cute wink from that girl’s eyes, the lady’s day is as perfect. Selling that one flower to a stranger allows her to gain not just a dollar but also a smile that will never leave her face the whole day…  In her room she has a big diary, where she writes the date and details of that first flower that she sells each day.  Beside every flower, she writes what exactly she saw in the girl’s eyes, what she felt when she saw her, and how much she is grateful that she met her that day.

Sarah doesn’t have friends, those she had are all back in the town she left, where nobody knows for what reason she left.  She went to search for someone who brings happiness to her life, for someone to give a reason for her to live after she had given up on living.

Sarah’s story began when she married a young rich man from the city.  He was a very gentle and wise man who came to her town to visit his cousin.  The cousin was Sarah’s friend, but she never thought that one day this would end up in love.  But this is how things go sometimes, and over the course of many visits to the town, love grew strong between Sarah and Ethan, until one day they decided to get married.  Her family had their concerns about the marriage, Ethan was a person from an upper class family and Sarah’s family were very normal.  They were afraid that this class difference would have effects for Sarah’s future happiness.  But when these fears were exposed to Ethan, he assured her that these were illusions and nothing was going to happen, he would buy a property in Sarah’s town so they could live in peace.

After two years they had a baby girl, Emma.  The baby filled their life with happiness, and for several more years Sarah’s life with her husband was wonderful. Love, laughter, amazing moments to remember forever, and Emma’s presence adding so much fascinating happiness to their days.  Until one day, Ethan went on a business trip and never come back.  The train he was on crashed and he with hundreds of other people died. Emma was only 3 years old, and for Sarah all her years burned in front of her eyes. She felt she’s been left alone, Ethan was her whole world, she felt like a stranger in the world.  Though her family and her friends were all around her, she could never feel any connection to them.  A couple of months later, Ethan’s brother showed up asking to take Emma to raise her in the city with his parents. Ethan’s family were against his marriage to Sarah, but Ethan had left them all in shock by moving to marry the small town girl who had captured his heart. Sarah tried to resist, to keep her daughter with her, but the powerful have ways and they took Emma away.  Since that moment Sarah never knew anything about her daughter. The years went by, and with every year a piece of Sarah’s heart were dying. Only the memory of her husband was left, and of Emma’s laughter, that she seemed to hear all the time…

As the years passed by she changed into another person, shaped by the tears and the pain, by memories of her angel’s giggles and her husband waving with his last smile on his face.  Until one day, Sarah received a letter from a friend of Ethan’s, a letter with Emma’s address. Sarah couldn’t believe that after 18 years she might see her daughter. She packed her up her life in a suitcase and went to the city.  Challenged by everything, a community that she was unused to living with, strange people she didn’t know how to talk to…  The first thing she did was search for Emma’s address and try to think of an excuse to talk to her.  The photos that were sent in the letter showed how pretty and wealthy Emma was.  Her grand parents took care of her it seemed, but not enough, since they raised her away from her mother.  Standing on the street facing Emma’s apartment, Sarah waited for Emma to leave her place. 

Then as if from nowhere a beautiful lady walked out the gate, talking on her phone. Sarah looked at the photo she’s holding tightly between her hands, so tense as if she was afraid she would drop it.  Sarah compared it with the girl and the tears ran down her face, that was Emma, that was her daughter.  She wanted to run towards her and hold her so tight, but she couldn’t.  Her baby girl is there grown up to become a pretty lady.  Sarah felt as if she was safe again, with a new reason to live, and a new reason to love her life.  She rented a small room and with time she collected information about her daughter’s life.  And with everything she needed to know she was ready, set herself up to sell flowers.

Sarah’s first day of selling flowers started when she stood near where Emma waited for her driver to take her to the university.  With weak steps she got near to Emma and said, “a red flower every morning will fill your day with warm perfume and add smiles to your face pretty lady”.  Emma turned around and looked at the woman’s eyes, with a shining smile she said “Sure, why not. Are you new here?”  Sarah felt like her heart was stopping, not sure if it was from happiness that she was standing in front of her daughter after 18 years, or sadness from missing all these days watching her growing up.  Sarah wanted to tell her that she was new in this place, but not new in Emma’s life.  She wanted to tell her that she was the one who had given birth to her, but she gathered herself and said, “Yes, I’m new in this place, I’m trying to sell my flowers, but not all people are interested in buying flowers”. Emma smiled and said, “Well, now you have got a new customer, what about if I meet you every morning in this place to buy a red flower?”   With a little wink Emma added, “And don’t you dare to miss this appointment ok ma’am?” That little cute wink, her dad used to make it.  Lord help me, Sarah felt drained and about to pass out, it was almost too much to handle.  But yet she thanked God for finding her angel again. “Ok” Sarah said, “How can I miss looking at such an angelic face like yours young lady?”  Emma wished Sarah a happy day as she left.

For the next several years, Sarah had a reason to wake up and live every morning. Emma graduated from her university and started her own work, and Sarah followed all Emma’s news.  Due to the trust they built they became quite close.  But that friendship never crossed that corner in the street, the place where for Sarah the whole world turned around.  Standing in the cold to sell flowers wasn’t easy though, Sarah’s health started to get bad and she got a lung infection.  Her face started to look ill and under her eyes there were black circles, which showed how tired she was getting day after day.  Emma used to check on her and offer to take her to the Doctor, but Sarah didn’t want to, all she used to say was “I’m fine, I don’t feel any pain”.  Sarah was afraid to miss a day of seeing her angel’s face in the morning, and she would convince herself and her daughter that she was fine.

One day Emma came to the place to buy her flower as usual, but she couldn’t find Sarah.  She was worried about her, standing in the middle of the street looking left and right, trying to find someone to ask about the flower seller.  A man asked her “Are you looking for your friend?” Emma turned quickly and really concerned replied “Yes, have you seen her today?”  He said “Unfortunately, we found her this morning lying in the street, I think they took her to ER”.  Emma interrupted him and asked, “do you know where she lives?”  The man was surprised,  “You don’t know where she lives?”  Emma replied “No, she never told me”.  The man smiled, and said “in a little room under the stairs”…  Emma was shocked.  She went to check the room, the door was unlock, the room had one bathroom, but not even a kitchen.  When she stepped into the room she stood powerless, not believing what she was looking at…  Photos of her from when she was a little baby, but she never had photos when she was that age.  She saw Sarah’s diary where she had written alongside every flower she had sold Emma, how she had felt to see her Angel’s eyes.  In the drawer she even found the letter that had caused Sarah to move to the city.  Emma couldn’t believe it, she recalled how every year on mother’s day Sarah used to say, “Here this is another red flower for your mom on her day”.  Emma used to reply, “Thank you but my mother died when I was a little girl, my grand parents raised me”.  Emma recalled that she used to see tears in Sarah’s eyes, she though she was feeling Emma’s loss and pain.  Then Sarah used to give her an extra flower and said, “Take this for free, but in water as if you are buying it for your mom and you are going to see her tomorrow, she will feel your love”.

Emma stayed in shock for hours, crying, and not know what to do.  Having doubts, and yet no doubt, at the reality of Sarah revealed, her real mom.  Running to the ER to see her mother, she saw her lying in the bed without any movement, without any breath.  Another visitor had reached this the place before Emma. Death!  Emma stood there in a silence, not only her heart was breaking, she felt her soul was aching too.  A voice cut her thoughts and the silence, “Do you know this woman?”  Emma replied  “Yes, she’s my mother”. The nurse handing Emma a letter said, “She gave me this letter with this photo and asked me to give it to her daughter when she comes”.  Emma took the letter with shivering hands and started reading…

To my daughter with love…

I never knew real happiness until you came to my life, you decorated my days with your angelic smile, I never knew how to deal with death, how to die every day in a new way, until they took you away from me, and then I never knew how to come back to life again until I met you again after 18 years.

I know when you read this letter I’ll be gone, I know you have so many questions to ask.  I came to the city searching for you.  The room I rented faced your room.  It’s a tiny room but through that window that faced your apartment I used to feel that I’m living in a castle, and looking through it’s window to my real world, you.

I convinced you to buy a red flower every day from me because it would bring warm smiles to your days.  I was selfish to ask this, I wanted these smiles so much after I lost them so many long years ago. It was you giving me those smiles, it was looking at your eyes, that gave me the courage to keep on living.

Don’t cry after me, I’ll be always near.  Sometimes life gives us a reason to cry and sometimes a reason to smile.  Life gave me reason to cry for long years, but you my precious daughter are the reason to make me smile.  Even at this moment while I am close to death…

 Jinan

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April 26, 2011 - Posted by | Accidents, Canada, childhood, Death, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, Hate, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Mother, others, Parents, Past, Peace, Poverty, Promises, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, Words, youth

11 Comments »

  1. thats really weird because my names sarah and I have a boyfriend named Ethan. I surprised to come across this.

    Comment by sarah | June 2, 2012 | Reply

  2. Vous avez de bons points il, c’est pourquoi j’aime toujours verifier votre blog, Il semble que vous etes un expert dans ce domaine. maintenir le bon travail, Mon ami recommander votre blog.

    Mon francais n’est pas tres bon, je suis de l’Allemagne.

    Comment by Cannon | May 24, 2011 | Reply

  3. Looks like you are an expert in this field, excellent article and keep up the great work, my friend recommended me your blog.

    Comment by Aimee | May 16, 2011 | Reply

  4. no words can describe how i feel thanks a lot.

    Comment by mack | May 9, 2011 | Reply

  5. It made me cry.

    Comment by Tina | May 5, 2011 | Reply

  6. … you always can make us cry or smile any time you write, very sad emotional story filled with mother’s unconditional great love…great job jinan.

    Comment by Mo | April 27, 2011 | Reply

  7. Dear Jinan… a beautifu beauitful story. It touched my heart dear soul. So very beautiful – a true treasure. Thank you for sharing this story of true love between a mother and daughter. Please continue to share your blessings with the world darling. With lots of love and peace.

    Comment by kay | April 26, 2011 | Reply

  8. beautiful story ….. You know after reading your blog I reigni.. ted my passion for poems … I’ll mail you one of my poems if you want to read ….
    Anyways, keep the spirit up .. really loved the story .

    Comment by Heeren | April 26, 2011 | Reply

  9. alla y2wiki,3an jed deimen bteketbi bi a3la emotion,7aram ma tle2i forsa mnesbi,mwafa2a,keep going

    Comment by howaida hatoum | April 26, 2011 | Reply

  10. A beautiful story Sis Loved it Keep on Keeping on !! Much Love xXx

    Comment by Brenda McAleer | April 26, 2011 | Reply

    • Jinan~
      Your most Beautiful story just melted the tears from my eyes. I cried so much I felt like a mountain of snow melting. Sweetheart
      your beautiful words will touch the heart of so many; Your lovely gift needs to be recognized. Your words are a treasure and everyone should have the chance to read them.
      My Love & Many Blessings,
      Arlene

      Comment by Arlene Meuchel | May 4, 2011 | Reply


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