Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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Ps: I Miss You So Much

It is not the same, never the same again after you left. I still have the same eyes, the same sight, yet something precious is missing in my eyes. I used to be happy, I used to be happier, but this now makes me so sad… It is not the same when I pass by the places that your laughter used to fill. I wish I could still have our long conversations.  Your words used to make me smile all the time. Nobody could ever say things the way you used to do. You were so sweet Grandpa.

I still feel you there when I visit Grandma.  Sometimes I sit in your seat so I don’t see it empty.  Other times I just look at it.   To not see you sitting in front of me… you have no idea how much I wish you were sitting there.  Looking at the door to your room, I think of you as in there just taking a nap.  I still don’t have the courage to enter your room.  I don’t know if it’s the fear of not finding you, or I still want to think you are in there. Whatever the reason, what I know for sure, is that after you left nothing is the same again.

The apricot tree is not giving like it used to.  Since you left it has changed, it express’s it’s sadness in it’s own way, it used to be prettier.  But this year it looks sad beside the empty chair you left.  No one will ever fill that emptiness. It tears my heart to look at it, to never see you there again. Nothing will be the same again…

It’s almost eight months since you left, I feel like it’s yesterday.  I feel you close to me, but can’t see you.  Your words always in my ears, but I can’t hear you voice.  Sometimes I feel if I turn around, I’ll find you behind me.  But I don’t dare turn, for the fear of not seeing you there…

I’ve known before the feeling of a broken heart.  But after you left, what I experienced was how it feels when a piece of me, my heart, is taken and yet still I’m alive.  For the first time I know how it feels to have an aching soul.

After you left, nothing will be the same again. You decorated my life since I was a little girl, with your sweet smiles and warm love.  Since you left and for the rest of my life, my days will be decorated with your precious memory. You always made me smile, you never made me cry, until the day you left without saying goodbye… 

Since then, things are never the same again.

Ps:  I miss you so much Grandpa!!

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August 4, 2011 - Posted by | Death, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, Grandfather, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memorial, Memories, others, Past, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Words

9 Comments »

  1. Jinan, you’re a wonderful person in every possible way. I love the way you express yourself with such heart to heart words.
    kisses
    Rana

    Comment by Rana Armoush | November 24, 2011 | Reply

  2. most indeed, life changes with the absence. You are welcome, I had enjoyed the piece! 🙂

    Comment by Life: Between the lines | November 6, 2011 | Reply

  3. emotional…well written…keep up your passion for writing…as you definitely have talent…regards…

    Comment by zoli | August 11, 2011 | Reply

  4. Dear Jinan… I am so sorry to read of your loss. My dear heart, may your grand dad rest in peace. I am sure he is with you every step of the way and he watches over your heart always. A beautiful tribute to your grandad. Thinking of you darling .

    With love always xo

    Comment by kay | August 5, 2011 | Reply

    • Thank you so much Kay for your lovely comment!! Your comments here are always appreciated!!

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | August 5, 2011 | Reply

  5. So nice sweetie Love you ❤

    Comment by Brenda McAleer | August 4, 2011 | Reply

  6. i love this, i miss him even when im not there, and when im there, i stare at his seat and i still think he’s taking a nap or out for a walk when i dont see him. i dont think things are ever the same, but i dont think it’s really different because we still have those same moments with him in our thoughts and heart.

    Comment by natalie | August 4, 2011 | Reply

    • I know cousin, it still so hard, specially that we had great times with him, it was really priceless days. Though we can’t recall him without smiling cause of the things he used to say and do but we alway cry silently. He brought nothing but joy to our life, eventhough it kills me when I think that he’s gone. He will be alive in our heart and thoughts for ever!!

      Comment by Jinan Zeidan | August 4, 2011 | Reply


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