Sometimes, we feel that we can’t talk, our voice is a prisoner inside us, our soul wants to fly but it’s a prisoner in this life…
Sometimes, we feel we can’t trust people who are really so close to us, so near…
Sometimes we feel we want to block every street so we can head nowhere…
Sometimes, it’s just them not us, whom we really fear meeting there…..
And sometimes, when they ask how we feel. we smile, telling a lie that we are fine, just to push them away…
You do your best to stay close to them,
They do their best to strongly push you away
You do your best to never refuse anything they ask you
They do their best to show you how bad you are refused
You say yes for everything showing how much you respect them
But you only hear the word NO when you search for YES
You ask for security and peace
But they tear your heart to pieces
You avoid showing your tears in front of them
Pretending you are strong
But they act as if your heart is made of stone
It’s not about the tears we shed, it’s about the reasons that are behind them.
It’s not about the attitude we show, it’s about the pain we hide
It’s never easy to say how we feel when our heart is broken inside.
In the silence we drown in the words we feel the urge to say
When the moment of feeling lost covers the heart and we try so hard to understand
What is going on; the truth about what we see, is it real?
The pain in our soul, why is it so deep?
It’s not about them or us, it’s about when we get lost
One word, in one word that they didn’t mean, in one act which was by mistake
Is it a crime to be real and speak your mind ?
It’s not about the distance we create, it’s about the days we miss without listening to a word
It’s a day of feeling lost, real happiness escapes..
It’s not about the confusion that we feel,
It’s all about that no matter what happens they will always be soo dear….
Behind the fire lines
Are nothing but prayers that cover her fears
But it can’t prevent her tears from falling and drawing hundreds of questions
With the painful one: where is he now?
She knows God is always there for all the people who are fighting for their right
To get their freedom back..
But things get complicated and the image is foggy when blood covers the land
All she hears is people screaming and hearts deeply bleeding
Behind the fire line he’s standing there
Who knows what’s going on?
There, is it a safe place? Or is he not okay?
Thoughts are the big enemy too when they takes us to imagine an anonymous bloody place
Where people went asking for peace and suddenly haters cut them into pieces on the streets
She’s fighting the evil thoughts by praying and trusting God that He will take care of him…
She sleeps every night wishing to see him in her dreams
A dream can heal for once even if reality will slap her on the face
When she wakes up
But at least it will stop the tears for a while ..
Behind the fire lines her heart is burning there trying to search for his face
And her soul is aching while waiting for his return …
She was there holding his hand begging him to stay
He was forced to leave her, how he wished to be there for another day. But he was comforting her by saying, “Anytime you need me, I’ll be there.”
“How is that?” she thought. He handed her a necklace with the name of the Lord engraved on it. “This will protect you and keep you from any harm”; she held it close to her heart.
She cried silently; her tears were burning every little breath she was taking.
Duty was calling him to serve his country, his steps were getting far while her heart was breaking apart.
Days passed by and months were like decades waiting for any news from him.
They said the war is near and never seeing his face was the only thing she feared.
She looked at her one year old child and holding him tight.
She said, “Please Lord, protect the father of my child and the man of my life. Keep him safe and bring him back home alive.
” Days passed by and the only seat she sat on was her husband’s, spending time on the balcony waiting for him to come.
One day she heard a knock on the door, and was hoping that her hero had come back home.
She opened the door and a soldier was standing there…She realized she became The mighty soldier’s widow.
She was frozen in place and didn’t dare say a word.
The man said, “Sorry ma’am for your loss, your husband was a brave soldier.” before he continued talking, she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
The world stopped for hours and a deep silence filled the place; she opened her eyes to see all the family surrounding her.
Some were crying, others were in shock but she was the only one who was dying.
Mighty soldiers leave their places to serve their country, leaving behind a wife and kids who are waiting them to come back home. What do we know about their feelings when they leave to the military?
Their kids’ and wife’s photos are their ID’s to find their feelings. Their fears that their children’s eyes will be seen for the last time, their heart aches silently leaving their wives, the love of their life, and never have the chance to feel it again.
Lucky are those who come back to their families even though the sad images from wars are stuck in their minds. But what about those who never come back, leaving everything behind them? Sacrificing their happiness, and all the happy moments they will spend with their children to protect their country and fight for their rights that the enemies want to take from them.
They are fighters with mighty hearts who believe in God, who are ready to give their own life to save hundreds. These are people who are ready to sacrifice their own happiness with their families in return giving a chance for thousands of men to have happiness with their own loved ones.
Just by thinking of a woman standing by her window waiting for her man to come back home after the war, and getting nothing but a dead body without a soul…
Just by thinking of her place: how the emptiness filled it even though her kids are playing around…
Just by thinking of her packing his clothes, his favorite CDs, by recalling his last words, smiling for the good memories and crying more for the bad ones….
Just by thinking of her speechless when her kids ask her, “When will dad come back home?”… It tears my heart apart to think of any woman who lost her husband in a war, how long she would stand her loss, and her longing to see him again…
They are mighty soldiers, those who swore to protect their country and be loyal to their promise…
I believe that the moment they take their last breath, a new angel enters heaven after serving his time on earth beneath…
After she slammed the door of her room, it was so difficult for her thoughts to take her to a clear place. She sat on her bed recalling the happiest days she spent with her ex Mark, who she just broke up with; but she still couldn’t believe that he was cheating on her. Suzan was still under shock; she wasn’t aware of anything around her, not even the noises that were sneaking into her room that were caused by her siblings. The noises entered the room but not her hearing; she was living in denial for hours, but the only words she was speaking out were: “Oh dear God, I was with the Devil.”
The story started a year ago when Suzan met Mark at a wedding party. Back then, Mark was sitting at the party alone, smoking and drinking a lot. It seems he was in another world, away from all the people who surrounded him. Every time the lights fell on him, his teary eyes were exposed to some friends, but none of them had the ability to ease his pain, or make him talk to forget it. He had been like that for months since his ex left him for no reason. Suzan was also suffering from her ex, but had now moved on after facing tough times. She is now stronger than before, or at least that’s what she thinks. She promised herself that she won’t open her heart to anyone until she finds the right guy who deserves her heart. But destiny had another plan for both of them.
“Excuse me,” Suzan said and continued “would you please stop smoking?” Mark didn’t give her any attention simply because he didn’t hear her. Suzan noticed that, tapped on his shoulder, and said “Are you okay?” Mark gave Suzan a glimpse and then looked back deeply in her eyes and said, “Oh sorry, what did you say?” Suzan smiled and tried to show some sense of humor and said, “I said the weather is nice tonight.” Mark smiled back and then laughed, looking at her with this bright smile and the sound of her laughter made him feel something he couldn’t explain. Mark felt that he wanted to keep on talking to this young pretty lady who showed up out of nowhere. He felt as if he knew her for ages and she felt that his teary eyes hid unspoken words that were killing any trace of happiness on his face, and felt that he was even faking his smile. The party soon ended and his friends were surprised that he spent the last two hours of the party talking to a new girl or at least talking. Mark asked Suzan about her phone number and he gave her his number hoping to see her again.
Days past and the few minutes they spent talking on the phone with each other at the beginning expanded to hours later on. Mark told Suzan about his story: he was in love with a girl who meant the world to him but then she started to ignore his phone calls and never let him meet up with her and he knew later that she was cheating on him. Since then he was changed into another person who was drinking and smoking a lot and who barely ate. He told Suzan that he had lost his real happiness and she noticed that he also lost a lot of weight and looked powerless. These long conversations turned into long meetings between Mark and Suzan. Mark started to have feelings towards Suzan; she was a girl full of passion who has a very caring and lovely heart. She stood beside Mark and helped him return back to his happiness. One day he took her on a ride, “Where are we going?” she asked. He looked at her and said, “To a very nice place.” They reached the place; it was a rocky road and the moment she took a look at the view, she felt dizzy. He parked the car on the edge and the whole town was below. Suzan got out of the car and was amazed by the view. “Wow what a wonderful place”, she said. “I knew you would love it”, he replied. He turned on the Radio and asked her to dance with him; these were the moments that she cherished the most, being with the person who became her world and feeling that she’s being protected from the world are all feelings beyond description. That place on the edge was saving all of Suzan’s happy moments, even though it was scary but it was a secure place in her eyes especially when he took her hand and started to dance. But sometimes living all this happiness has a price that one of them will pay…
With days, Suzan noticed that Mark’s behavior was changing. She was asking him constantly if there was anything going on with him and he always replied with “I’m fine but it’s work that’s distracting me from you. I’ll make it up to you, I promise”. One day Mark forgot he was supposed to meet her and she was waiting for him but he never even called to apologize for not showing up. Suzan had her own concerns and she exposed them to Mark and said, “Are you back with your Ex, Mark?” He gave her a quick glimpse and looked away and answered, “Are you insane? I would never get back with someone who betrayed me.”Suzan looked at him and asked again “Okay then, do you have another new girl in your life? If you do, please let me know and I will leave you but don’t lie to me.” Mark was very angry and he gave her a bad attitude by saying, “If you are trying to find an excuse to leave me because you have someone new, go ahead and let me know.” His words entered her heart like a knife, especially that she was leaving the country for a month, and she didn’t feel that he would miss her. She felt that he couldn’t wait until she left and now he said these poisoned words that made her feel that this relationship will die soon; something wrong was going on and it was not her fault at all. She asked him to take her back home, but after he apologized for losing his temper, he didn’t forget to turn on the music and dance. However, this time she couldn’t feel secure while he’s holding her; she wanted the music to stop to have an excuse to stay away from him. She felt his lies just by him looking in her eyes and his hands were so cold and so was his heart because when he said “I love you”, she couldn’t say anything back. She couldn’t say something she didn’t feel at the moment, but instead she said, “I’m going to miss you”. On their way back to her place he said, “All I want you to do is to be happy and enjoy your vacation honey. I want you to be happy, don’t think of me or anything just think of yourself and be happy”. She looked at him and asked, “How could I not think of you?” He smiled and replied, “Because I want you to be happy.”
Suzan left her country to California to spend a month with her relatives, but Mark’s last words were still in her ears. She was so confused and so lost. After she arrived, she kept receiving emails from Mark but only for one week. After that, Mark never replied her emails, and her vacation turned into a sort of jail. She was supposed to enjoy her time and the only thing he asked her to do is to have fun and go out, but with his strange behavior she felt as if she was a prisoner of her painful doubts. Three weeks passed and Suzan called Mark because she was so worried. He answered the phone in a very cold manner that made her think she dialed the wrong number. However, the voice was Mark’s and after a short conversation between them, Suzan asked him why he never replied to her last messages and he replied, “Suzan, honey I’m working here, I have lot of work, and I’m facing a lot of problems at work.” Suzan never said anything except when he asked her when she’s coming back and she told him next week. She was spending her time on the beach that day and after she hung up, she looked at the sea and the angry waves that were breaking on her feet. She cried a lot because she was so wounded and scared. On her way back home, Suzan spent hours crying on the plane; she had not enjoyed her trip. All she wanted to do is to arrive home and end everything with Mark. But as usual, he never agreed when she told him they should break up; his fake excuses showed up every time saying, ”I was so busy honey, you know things are going at work. I’m sorry if I gave you a hard time”. But Suzan asked him again, “Are you back with your ex? Listen if there is a new girl, even if your ex is back, you can still tell me I will help you to get back to her but don’t ever lie tome or even betray me Mark. All your actions show that you don’t care anymore and I don’t want to be with a person where I will be last in his life. You changed a lot Mark; you are a very different person now”. She looked away trying to hide her tears and continued, “All you asked for me is to be happy but with your behavior you ruined my happiness. I didn’t enjoy my vacation.” Mark held her tight and she could hear his heart beating as if his heart will pop out of his chest and said, “I’m really sorry you are an angel to stand me all this time.”
Doubts started to turn out to be facts in Suzan’s eyes. The more she found out lies about him, the more she felt something was missing in her heart. He always denied that he has anyone in his life but her hunch always told her that he has another one and not just anyone but his Ex specifically. When we have doubts, we feel the pain of not knowing the truth, and when we have a hunch, our heart aches for not believing what people try to tell us. However, when the truth is finally exposed in front of us, our heart breaks. Suzan’s heart broke after the truth was revealed to her. She met a friend who knew about her and Mark but Suzan was surprised after he told her how sorry he is to know that Mark left her. Suzan asked, “Who told you that?” Her friend said, “No one. I met Mike and his Ex two weeks ago in a party and I thought how hard it is for you to handle this break up.”
Suzan felt like she was about to faint. Within moments she recalled the day she met Mark, the person who was broken, barely could eat, killing himself by smoking and drinking, and she recalled his teary eyes and voice when he said, “You are the first person I talk to in a very long time.” And then she recalled his words when they started to hang out together when he used to say, “You have a wonderful smile sweet lady, it brings happiness to my broken heart.” She also remembered how she used to feel after he says how much he’s broken inside and since then she promised herself to make him the happiest person on earth again. Suzan’s heart felt so heavy, and her legs were paralyzed. She couldn’t even breathe but surprisingly she never shed a tear; she was watching her friend’s lips moving but she couldn’t hear a single word. She got home and wanted to call Mark to tell him about the bitter truth she just found out about him, to scream and let out all the pain inside of her broken heart. She wanted to call to ask him why he did that to her because it was just not fair. She never wished to see him again; she didn’t have the power to see a person who stabbed her in the back. But her short messages to him were just to inform him that she knew about his lies and his return to his Ex and the only one question she asked was: “Why didn’t you let me go when I asked you to many times? Why didn’t you face me with the truth when I asked you if you got back to her?” His reply was long and full of excuses and lies again, and a sentence that drew a sarcastic smile on her face when he said, “You will always be a very special woman to me.”
Suzan’s life was affected by Mark’s absence for many months. She was acting as if she’s fine and doesn’t care, but she collapsed every night she climbed into bed. The memories that she shared with Mark were increasing her pain. His voice kept coming to her ears after he set a song and said, “Let’s dance.” She recalled his hand taking hers softly, and how secure she felt just by hearing him breathe. She recalled how their light steps were moving and their souls were flying high with happiness. Suzan wondered how could he fake the tenderness I felt, how could he look me in the eye and lie? How could he ignore the truth when I asked him about his Ex? How could he dance on my wounds happily? She thought, “Oh, Dear God, I was dancing with the Devil” …. She never thought he would hurt her because she was standing beside him from the start; she never thought he would lie to her even when she was sure he was because his eyes held enough tears. She thought he would never cause her pain, she trusted that he would never break her heart because he experienced the depth of the pain to have a broken heart. But he was a devil who took her hand for a bleeding dance. She felt happiness by swaying lightly; she never felt that she was dancing on her wounds, and never knew that a piece of her heart was breaking with every step she was taking. But now the music is off, the devil left, the place is full of silence that she fears. She’s alone standing on the edge….
When everything seems to be good, it ends up in a bad way. The rhythm that makes us stand up and dance with happiness might end up suddenly leaving us in the middle of killer silence and a broken heart with bleeding steps taking us nowhere but lots of regrets and pain for meeting the wrong person.
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It’s not about life, it’s about those who are living in it.
When I was a little girl they used to tell me good things to make me smile
Life was so easy maybe because I didn’t understand it
Or maybe because I was too innocent to understand.
They used to teach me to never lie
They said people who lie will always be called bad people
But after I grew up I found out that everyone lies
With bad people enjoying their lives
And honest people are paying the price.
They told me
To be happy,smile and dance in the rain
After I grew up
I knew that most of the times
We smile to hide our pain.
They taught me to cherish friendship in my life
It’s the purest thing I could ever have
A hug from a friend would heal your wounds
After I grew up, there was truth that I lacked
My friend’s hug was an excuse to stab me in the back.
They taught me to be respected and respect people in return
After I grew up I never dared to underestimate others
I respect people for who they are, but they took my respect as a weakness
I get lost in the connection people see with these two words: Respect and Weakness.
They taught me when you love someone, make them happy
Love is something so special, it’s about being faithful
It’s about honesty and sacrifice between two lovers
After I grew up, I knew lovers who became enemies
I see lovers who cheat on their loved ones
Looking at me and begging: “Please, don’t tell.”
I see lovers crying for the absence of their beloved
Their nights turn into days
While the other doesn’t care
Laughing while the one that loves them is in pain.
They used to tell me to never go near fire
Because I will burn myself
I spent my childhood years watching out from fire
And when i grew up I see adults playing with fire but without burns.
When I was a little girl I didn’t act my age
I didn’t play much but I used to read
And they used to tell me “Go play, kids should be playing; adults should read the most.”
After I grew up all I see is adults playing games to trick and set each other up.
Who’s fault is it? Who’s to blame?
Life? People? Or my parents who raised me in a great way?
I grew up to find myself in a jungle
Fearing people I meet, even though I should fear beasts
Everyone is passing by pushing me to get their aim
I am not standing in their way yet all they enjoy doing is hurting me.
Who’s fault is it? Is it my fault that my dreams turned into nightmares?
Or is it my fault since I dared dream?
They taught me lessons that were hard to understand
After I took them in, I grew up to find out these lessons failed me
They should’ve told me not to take life so seriously
They should’ve told me that it’s okay to fail.
All I was doing is studying so hard to be the perfect and polite girl
To never disappoint anyone in my life
But everyone disappointed me…
Who’s fault is it to lose the ability to deal with bad things?
To lose the ability to recognize the good person from the nasty?
I’ve learned my lessons but I failed in the exam
Not because I wasn’t ready, or because I forgot what I studied
But simply because life changed, and someone passed the wrong lessons
And everybody followed.
It’s not my fault that everyone knows these lessons
I was shocked and I cried a lot for not knowing answers when life tested me
It’s not my fault that after I grew up, the lessons changed
It’s not the same, it’s all the opposite… It’s all fake
With every lesson that slowly changed, I quickly learned life’s real lessons.
Hello everyone, just wanted to announce the release of my first book ” Let Them Go With A Smile”. It’s on AuthorHouse.com & here’s the link:
It is not the same, never the same again after you left. I still have the same eyes, the same sight, yet something precious is missing in my eyes. I used to be happy, I used to be happier, but this now makes me so sad… It is not the same when I pass by the places that your laughter used to fill. I wish I could still have our long conversations. Your words used to make me smile all the time. Nobody could ever say things the way you used to do. You were so sweet Grandpa.
I still feel you there when I visit Grandma. Sometimes I sit in your seat so I don’t see it empty. Other times I just look at it. To not see you sitting in front of me… you have no idea how much I wish you were sitting there. Looking at the door to your room, I think of you as in there just taking a nap. I still don’t have the courage to enter your room. I don’t know if it’s the fear of not finding you, or I still want to think you are in there. Whatever the reason, what I know for sure, is that after you left nothing is the same again.
The apricot tree is not giving like it used to. Since you left it has changed, it express’s it’s sadness in it’s own way, it used to be prettier. But this year it looks sad beside the empty chair you left. No one will ever fill that emptiness. It tears my heart to look at it, to never see you there again. Nothing will be the same again…
It’s almost eight months since you left, I feel like it’s yesterday. I feel you close to me, but can’t see you. Your words always in my ears, but I can’t hear you voice. Sometimes I feel if I turn around, I’ll find you behind me. But I don’t dare turn, for the fear of not seeing you there…
I’ve known before the feeling of a broken heart. But after you left, what I experienced was how it feels when a piece of me, my heart, is taken and yet still I’m alive. For the first time I know how it feels to have an aching soul.
After you left, nothing will be the same again. You decorated my life since I was a little girl, with your sweet smiles and warm love. Since you left and for the rest of my life, my days will be decorated with your precious memory. You always made me smile, you never made me cry, until the day you left without saying goodbye…
Since then, things are never the same again.
Ps: I miss you so much Grandpa!!
The moment comes, when we have to say goodbye. Goodbyes not for the end of a relationship between us and our loved ones, but to see them returning away overseas. A piece of us leaves with them. The heartaches that grows while we stand there trying to accept the reasons that takes them back to the place they call their second home. We can do nothing but pray for them to get there safely. Everyone has someone who lives overseas, who can’t find the opportunity in their own country to work. They are forced to leave, leaving behind them their families and friends, the friends they were raised with. At some point they have to sacrifice in order to live. It’s not easy to leave the place of your birth, that will always leave them feeling torn. Always missing the places they used to go when they were kids. The memories still stuck in their minds as they traveled the whole world. Even if they became rich and famous, they will always want to go back to the places where they used to go as little kids. Always have that desire to relive the moments, the moments that became their past when they had to leave overseas for a living.
It used to be harder to leave. There was no internet to connect to family, sometimes it took months to receive a letter from loved ones. The phone calls were too expensive to make. The trips took longer, and to be a world apart from each other really meant to be apart. In the past, things were harder than nowadays. These days, it’s much easier. It’s true that technology has made the world a small village. The letter that used to arrive after a month now arrives in a minute, or a second, by email and Fax. Cameras can allow us to see a person in any place in the world. All these things have helped people to keep in touch with each other. And also erased thoughts or doubts that people used to have, when they had no idea where their loved ones are now living. They used to wonder where they lived, what the country looked like. These days, it’s enough to Google the place, type the country name and the map will show us where they are. Technology means that you might know more about a place than those that live there. Nothing is impossible with modern life, everything is coming easily, and it’s getting easier.
But still we can’t ignore the danger of traveling, of crossing the seas to live in another country. Still not easy to be accepted, especially for parents, they always wish to have their children around them. Living with them in the same country, in their home. Technology can’t erase that feeling of pain when we wave goodbye to our loved ones and watch them disappear away. Even if we know that after they leave we are going to send them messages via facebook, or make a skype call with them, or email. The ache will stay, the distance still stands between us. Wishing they are here at this moment, we recall the food they like, and wish we could send them even a bite. We recall the places where we were with them, the laughter, specific words they use and that we love to hear them say. It makes us smile to recall those moments from the past, but even if they are writing to us, still our eyes are wet because the distance is still there to pain us.
Worse though is the plane accidents that happen every year. Thousands of people moving between their country and another, who never make it to their destination. Killed while they traveled, coming down into the sea, some bodies lost, others so damaged they can’t be recognized or identified. While they float in the ocean, their families and friends are waiting for them in an airport. How painful it is to wait for someone who will never come back again? Technology can do nothing about that. It can’t ease the hurt of their families, it can’t change the bitter fact that they gone and will not return. How many people have been lost in the skies, and in the oceans and seas? The danger of flying is always there, the possibility of never seeing our loved ones again after they travel away overseas. Every day a huge number of people are moving from country to another. Some of them are now saying goodbye for the last times to their families, but they don’t know that yet. Some of them left their home last night only to find after they arrived that their mom or dad or one of their families has passed away. Would they have left if they knew it was their last goodbye, or would change their life forever, losing someone they love. Airports are full of travelers, some who are welcoming people with happiness and tears of joy, and others who are waving goodbyes with pain and tears of sadness. Are they going to see them again, who knows? Others are postponing their flights to spend more time with their friends and family. Some others are afraid to leave at all, or decide to return to their country to live the rest of their lives with their family.
The flights taking people overseas hide so many things. The possibility to see people again and the possibility to never see them again, that too is always there. Nothing could describe our happiness when we open the door and see our loved ones surprising us after they’ve been overseas for years. The feeling of joy and pleasure to see them again is beyond description. And nothing could describe the moment when we have to say goodbye to them. We just wish that time could stop at the moment they come, so they could stay forever. But time keeps running, and soon they will have to rush away again, to be in another part of the world. They too might wish to never leave, but the time will come that they have to say farewell and go. Technology will keep them in contact, it will ease the distance, but it can never erase the loss we feel when they leave. The moment they leave we fake a smile to hide our tears, we pretend we are fine. But that moment will never be easy when we watch them disappear away overseas.
- Homeless children
- Human Rights
- Middle East
- Photos About My Country Lebanon
- play with feelings
- R.I.P Mighty soldiers