Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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The Release Of My First Book

Hello  everyone, just wanted to announce the release of my first book  ” Let Them Go With A Smile”. It’s on AuthorHouse.com & here’s the link:



December 22, 2011 Posted by | Accidents, childhood, Death, Drugs, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, friendship, Grandfather, Hate, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Mother, Nature, news, others, outsiders, Overseas, Parents, Past, Peace, play with feelings, Politics, Poverty, Promises, Qoutes, silence, Smile, Speak, suicide, Technology, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, USA, Violence, Words, youth | 3 Comments

A Game To Play

Looking at her happy face made me feel satisfied for her, that she had just found love again, after she lost her beloved years ago. She had found it hard to let a new person break the walls she had built, had thought that she could never betray his love, even after his death. But today she was talking and talking about her new love, how she never thought she might again find some-one who would make her heart beat like this.  Her ex beloved had been a perfect example for how a guy should love and treat a girl.
I felt as if I know the guy she was talking about.  Through her way of describing him, through her depth of words in describing him, I felt he was strongly there with us.
“How can you tell if he’s playing with your feelings?” I asked.
She replied with confidence: “He’s honest, he said he never lied”.
Days go by and the new love was growing deeply in the young girl’s heart, every day was a new happiness for her, every moment was a new reason to love life more. A year passed by, and the young girl was facing difficulties with her new beloved, one month they are happy, and another month they are fighting.  She used to tell me that she’s thinking about leaving him, but she can’t. She was always assuming – what if he needed her while she’s not talking to him?  What if he has a hard time and needs to talk to her?  Her eyes were always wet, full of hidden tears. She was trying her best to never cry, but in the end she always did.
He never deserved that kind of girl; he was playing games all the time. Though she knew and felt that, she also never really knew why she wanted to stay. Maybe because from the start he asked her to never leave him, and while they were together he kept asking her to never leave. She hoped that the deep love she had towards him would make her want to stand by him no matter what. She might be mistaken to stay with someone who’s not honest, but she wasn’t the kind of girl who loves selfishly. Even when she knows when she should leave, reading the signs wasn’t enough for her. But also eventually, finding that he’s not truthful through his behavior, makes her  decide to leave him for good. He never even tried to ask her to stay, or to defend himself over his mistakes that she saw. She was telling me with a choking voice about the messages she sent to him, and how he never replied to any of them.
Though her wounded pride still kills her, she believes that she’ll get over her love someday. I see her every day, acting like a happy girl, but inwardly so sad.  She may trick people into convincing them how strong she is, but deep inside all she feels is weak.  Her hidden secret revealed every night when she goes to bed, the walls of confidence breaking down, leaving her feeling insecure. She takes off her happy face, the mask to hide her sadness. The silent pain that she has, never  starts talking loudly until she’s alone, surrounded by calmness and tears.
For this young girl, love has changed her life. The first love who died years ago, made her built walls to protect herself from falling in love again. Her fear back then was that death may again steal a new beloved. But when she got over her fears, she opened her heart again for another guy. She never imagined that some people love to play games with other’s feelings. She used to think that the only thing that might separate her from the person she loved would be  death. But death has mercy more than those who decide to use another’s feelings as a game to play. 
If God decides to take away someone’s life, then that is just the right time for them to leave this world.  But for those who decide to break someone’s heart just to have fun, they are so away from knowing God.  If they knew God or had any relation with God, they would know that he exists in everyone of us, including those who’s feelings they have played with.
I don’t know the reasons that push people to cheat on their loved ones. Or to lie and play games behind their back.  Especially when they are loved by an honest person who cares for them and is ready to do anything just to make them happy. Is it selfishness that leads people to do that in order to feel satisfied themselves? Or do they lack some confidence, and by acting in that way with others and seeing them suffering, they feel happy for achieving something? Is it because in their conception, making others suffer means they are lovable? Whatever the reason behind their behavior, immaturity is playing a big role in their lives. Perhaps being away from God is also a reason that makes them cause pain for someone.   Making a person who truly loves you feel insulted with wounded pride is the worst thing someone might cause to another. It’s amazing how deep feelings change a persons life. It puts them in upper places, where they feel as if they are flying so high. But when that is covered with lies, it is weird how the same feelings affect their life by throwing them from the high sky immediately to bury them under the ground.
When someone decides to play with another’s heart and feelings, they are building themselves up by pulling another down. When a person decides to play a game with another’s heart without thinking of the others feelings, then their own life is losing its meaning with time, their connection with others will fade away, and their opportunity of having someone new in their lives is decreasing. They may enjoy playing their games and think they have won, but after the other person who gave so much of his or her time and love is left standing in silent anger, what have they really won? 


December 16, 2010 Posted by | Death, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, friendship, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, others, Past, Peace, play with feelings, Promises, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Words | 26 Comments