Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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The Release Of My First Book


Hello  everyone, just wanted to announce the release of my first book  ” Let Them Go With A Smile”. It’s on AuthorHouse.com & here’s the link:

http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000478132/Let-Them-Go-With-A-Smile.aspx

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December 22, 2011 Posted by | Accidents, childhood, Death, Drugs, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, friendship, Grandfather, Hate, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Mother, Nature, news, others, outsiders, Overseas, Parents, Past, Peace, play with feelings, Politics, Poverty, Promises, Qoutes, silence, Smile, Speak, suicide, Technology, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, USA, Violence, Words, youth | 3 Comments

Homeless Child…


He was born like many other children, filled with love and innocent. He had caring parents as he recalls, they use to hold him and protect him in his first years. They taught him how to walk and how to talk.  They used to run towards him and wipe his tears when he fell, just like any other parents would do for their child.  He’s the youngest in the family, his brother was 12 years old, and his sister was almost 10 when he born.  He used to wait for them, for when they come back to the place where they all sheltered under the bridge, to play with him.  Usually they left that place early in the morning while he was still sleeping, and often they came back late after he was asleep.  His mom was so special, she was the only person who was always around, his dad used to disappear, sometimes for weeks.  As a little baby, all that mattered to him was to play, eat and sleep.  He was too small to know what’s going on with his family.  Newly arrived to life, he didn’t know yet that there is lot to go through, didn’t know that his life will be a battle, that he’s just one new fighter in this family he was born into.  He didn’t know yet the name of the place he lives, he used to think it’s home, but his family name it hell…  That became clear after he turned 6 years old. 

It was a sunny day when his mom told him to put on his dirty torn clothes and be ready for a long walk.  “A long walk where?” the boy asked, “…but mom I want to stay here and play”.  With a strict look, his dad ordered him to obey his mom.  The boy kept silent and bowed his head.  His clothes were dirty as usual, you wouldn’t know it had different colors.  His face were dirty as well, he didn’t have a mirror to know how he looked.  Maybe if he did he would know why people ignored him in the streets, why they looked at him in a disgusted way.  He loves to leave what he calls home, to enjoy the sunshine, because where he lives the rays of the sun can’t find their way.  Their place was not a healthy one.  That’s the reason why the family was often sick. 

While he was walking with his mom he wondered where she was taking him, she never said.  All she said was “from this day you will start to work just like your sister and brother, you are a little man now”.  They arrived at a very crowded place, where families went with their kids and relatives, where friends meet up together, and everyone looked happy.  His mom stopped and bent towards him, she looked deeply and seriously into his eyes and said  “I will leave you here, I will come back later to get you”.  The little boy was scared and asked his mom “but where are you going, and why you are leaving me here?”  She replied “See those people, you have to stay with them, go and try to get money, food, or anything you can get”.  “But mom…” he cried.  His mom shook him in a strict way and said “LISTEN TO ME, this is how we get money, this is what your brother and sister do, everyone has a job and this is yours now too”.  He looked at his mom, tears filling his eyes; his lips spelled one word …ok.  He stood there, watching his mom walk away.

All he saw were strangers, people who ignored him, or who looked at him in pity, who pushed him to get away from them.  Happy children were everywhere, he saw them playing with their parents, laughing and giggling.  He wondered why their parents didn’t leave them alone in this place like his mom did.  The time passed, and by noon, he felt so hungry and wanted something to eat.  He couldn’t go and just ask people to give him money, or even to give him something to eat.  He was so scared and lost.  He went to the garbage, started to eat the old bread.  A cat made him start from fear when she jumped out from the garbage.  He was crying and didn’t know what to do.  He ate a little, only what he could find in the garbage, it was better than nothing.  He walked around, trying to ask people to give him money.  The first woman he saw sitting with her kids, he came near to her and said “give me money please or something to eat”.  The woman yelled at him, protective of her own two kids. “I’m not going to hurt them, I’m just a kid like them” he mumbled.  But she kept on yelling, telling him to stay away.

The first day ended, the sun disappeared and his mom never reappeared. He sat on the street, some of those who passed by him gave him money without him asking them.  He waited so long for his mom, but she never came to take him back home.  He didn’t know how to get there by himself.  The dogs were barking, the cats fighting in the middle of the night, the people passing grew fewer until there were no more people on the street.  Only him and some other homeless people.  He cried and tried to find a box to sleep in, he was very tired and wanted to sleep. All the lights were switched off, all the other kids his age were home asleep. He covered himself with bags and slept on the side of the road, where else he could go?  He thought about his mom, why didn’t she come back he kept thinking until he fell asleep.

The next day, the steps of people passing by woke him, at first he didn’t’ recognize where he was… until he recalled the day before.  He felt the fear again, the insecurity of the coming days.  He thought about his mom and his family.  He missed his brother and sister, where are they now? Would he ever see them again?  He went to a nearby shop to buy something to eat, thankful for the people who dropped money for him while he lay on the street.  He entered the shop and the man screamed “get out you dirty boy”.  He ran from fear and tripped and fell.  He cried from pain, from fear, from anything that might come near him.  A soft hand touched his shoulder, and asked him to stand up.  He looked up and saw a very nice lady with a little boy.  She said “Come, let me help you up, how old are you?”  He looked at her son, he was about his age, “I’m 6 years old” he said.  She asked, “Are you hungry?”  He started crying, “yes I am”.  “I saw the man screaming at you, wait for me here and I’ll bring you something to eat”.  She went to the shop and bought some food and candy.  “Can I have them all?” he asked, the lady smiled and said, “sure, it’s all yours.  Are you new here?” “Yes” he replied.  The woman told him that she had to leave, but she promised to check back on him every day and bring him something to eat. 

He felt that God was looking over him, and each day he waited for the woman, but he never forgot about his family, especially his mom.  Her face kept coming to his imagination, telling him that he’s a man now. With days the small kid grew, with years he knew his reality.  He wonders now about the person he once called mom, who used to be his whole world, the person who held him and protected him, is she the same person who threw him away?  Too many questions, but no one to give him answers or erase his fears.  He knows the place where he lives under the bridge isn’t a home, and why the people call him homeless.  He can’t go to school, he knows nothing but begging and the people who give him money so he can eat.  He looks around seeing happy kids playing with their friends, riding their bicycles, getting into fancy cars with their parents, and asks; why am I different from them?  It wasn’t his choice to be homeless, it wasn’t that he wanted to sleep on the streets.  Or to hide in boxes, fearful that the dogs might bite him.  He always wishes some day he will wake up and his life will be changed.  But every morning he wakes to the sound of people’s steps hurrying by, or screaming for the Taxi.  What hurts him the most though is to overhear conversations, mothers on the phone saying she’ll be home soon.  Home, a word that fills his heart with sorrow.  He waited for his mom for long years, and he still goes to the place where she left him.  Still wishes she would come to take him to where they all live, anywhere, as long as they were all together, with his brother and sister.  He has some friends who are also homeless, they have their own stories too.  Sometimes they all go to a shelter to eat and sleep.  Other times he forgets himself, waiting on his own till late in the evening, and falls asleep waiting there…

 

Whenever you see a homeless person, give them a helping hand, give them food or clothes, or even a place to live.  Some of them were born homeless, growing up in fear, watching people kick them, yell at them, and look at them in a disgusted way.  It’s not their fault.  We are blessed to have a home to live in.  We have our own rooms, our own cars, money to buy whatever we want.  Do we sometimes cry and feel life is unfair if our parents disagree and refuse to buy something for us?  So what about those whose life has said NO to them for everything since they were born?  Never pass by the homeless without a thought for their fate, spare a smile and some kindness.  You will never know what their life has been, what they are waiting for that will never come…

 Jinan

FaceBook Page: https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Jinan-Zeidan/134380173267195

 

 

 

 

June 12, 2011 Posted by | childhood, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Homeless children, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Mother, others, Parents, Past, Peace, Poverty, Promises, silence, Smile, Thought, Trust, Violence, Words | 13 Comments

To My Daughter With Love…


Every morning with the sunrise, a new pain starts in someone’s life, a new hope is renewed in someone’s eyes, fighting to live, or fighting to give.  Give the person who needs them, the caring and the love they are lacking…

Sarah lives in the city now, has to learn to deal with this kind of life.  Where the time passes so fast, people running to get early to work, as if they are chasing time. She comes from a village, a place in the mountains where everything is calm and quiet. Where all the people know each other and care for each other, even if they are in a hurry.  They have the time to look at the person who’s passing them by and say good morning.  But from now on, she has to get used to the city life, for the sake of her angel…. As usual, every morning she drinks her coffee rapidly, gets dressed, takes her flowers and runs rapidly so to never miss her morning customer.

It’s true she has all the day to sell her flowers, but looking at this one persons eyes in the morning making her rich, not financially, but emotionally…. Those eyes fill her heart with happiness, and her day with security.  “Good morning madam”, this the voice she waits to hear every morning.  She looks back at that girl and says, “Good morning to you young lady, here’s your flower”.  With a shining smile the young girl takes her flower and gives the dollar to the flower seller.  “Thank you, your flowers fill my days with a warm perfume”. With a little cute wink from that girl’s eyes, the lady’s day is as perfect. Selling that one flower to a stranger allows her to gain not just a dollar but also a smile that will never leave her face the whole day…  In her room she has a big diary, where she writes the date and details of that first flower that she sells each day.  Beside every flower, she writes what exactly she saw in the girl’s eyes, what she felt when she saw her, and how much she is grateful that she met her that day.

Sarah doesn’t have friends, those she had are all back in the town she left, where nobody knows for what reason she left.  She went to search for someone who brings happiness to her life, for someone to give a reason for her to live after she had given up on living.

Sarah’s story began when she married a young rich man from the city.  He was a very gentle and wise man who came to her town to visit his cousin.  The cousin was Sarah’s friend, but she never thought that one day this would end up in love.  But this is how things go sometimes, and over the course of many visits to the town, love grew strong between Sarah and Ethan, until one day they decided to get married.  Her family had their concerns about the marriage, Ethan was a person from an upper class family and Sarah’s family were very normal.  They were afraid that this class difference would have effects for Sarah’s future happiness.  But when these fears were exposed to Ethan, he assured her that these were illusions and nothing was going to happen, he would buy a property in Sarah’s town so they could live in peace.

After two years they had a baby girl, Emma.  The baby filled their life with happiness, and for several more years Sarah’s life with her husband was wonderful. Love, laughter, amazing moments to remember forever, and Emma’s presence adding so much fascinating happiness to their days.  Until one day, Ethan went on a business trip and never come back.  The train he was on crashed and he with hundreds of other people died. Emma was only 3 years old, and for Sarah all her years burned in front of her eyes. She felt she’s been left alone, Ethan was her whole world, she felt like a stranger in the world.  Though her family and her friends were all around her, she could never feel any connection to them.  A couple of months later, Ethan’s brother showed up asking to take Emma to raise her in the city with his parents. Ethan’s family were against his marriage to Sarah, but Ethan had left them all in shock by moving to marry the small town girl who had captured his heart. Sarah tried to resist, to keep her daughter with her, but the powerful have ways and they took Emma away.  Since that moment Sarah never knew anything about her daughter. The years went by, and with every year a piece of Sarah’s heart were dying. Only the memory of her husband was left, and of Emma’s laughter, that she seemed to hear all the time…

As the years passed by she changed into another person, shaped by the tears and the pain, by memories of her angel’s giggles and her husband waving with his last smile on his face.  Until one day, Sarah received a letter from a friend of Ethan’s, a letter with Emma’s address. Sarah couldn’t believe that after 18 years she might see her daughter. She packed her up her life in a suitcase and went to the city.  Challenged by everything, a community that she was unused to living with, strange people she didn’t know how to talk to…  The first thing she did was search for Emma’s address and try to think of an excuse to talk to her.  The photos that were sent in the letter showed how pretty and wealthy Emma was.  Her grand parents took care of her it seemed, but not enough, since they raised her away from her mother.  Standing on the street facing Emma’s apartment, Sarah waited for Emma to leave her place. 

Then as if from nowhere a beautiful lady walked out the gate, talking on her phone. Sarah looked at the photo she’s holding tightly between her hands, so tense as if she was afraid she would drop it.  Sarah compared it with the girl and the tears ran down her face, that was Emma, that was her daughter.  She wanted to run towards her and hold her so tight, but she couldn’t.  Her baby girl is there grown up to become a pretty lady.  Sarah felt as if she was safe again, with a new reason to live, and a new reason to love her life.  She rented a small room and with time she collected information about her daughter’s life.  And with everything she needed to know she was ready, set herself up to sell flowers.

Sarah’s first day of selling flowers started when she stood near where Emma waited for her driver to take her to the university.  With weak steps she got near to Emma and said, “a red flower every morning will fill your day with warm perfume and add smiles to your face pretty lady”.  Emma turned around and looked at the woman’s eyes, with a shining smile she said “Sure, why not. Are you new here?”  Sarah felt like her heart was stopping, not sure if it was from happiness that she was standing in front of her daughter after 18 years, or sadness from missing all these days watching her growing up.  Sarah wanted to tell her that she was new in this place, but not new in Emma’s life.  She wanted to tell her that she was the one who had given birth to her, but she gathered herself and said, “Yes, I’m new in this place, I’m trying to sell my flowers, but not all people are interested in buying flowers”. Emma smiled and said, “Well, now you have got a new customer, what about if I meet you every morning in this place to buy a red flower?”   With a little wink Emma added, “And don’t you dare to miss this appointment ok ma’am?” That little cute wink, her dad used to make it.  Lord help me, Sarah felt drained and about to pass out, it was almost too much to handle.  But yet she thanked God for finding her angel again. “Ok” Sarah said, “How can I miss looking at such an angelic face like yours young lady?”  Emma wished Sarah a happy day as she left.

For the next several years, Sarah had a reason to wake up and live every morning. Emma graduated from her university and started her own work, and Sarah followed all Emma’s news.  Due to the trust they built they became quite close.  But that friendship never crossed that corner in the street, the place where for Sarah the whole world turned around.  Standing in the cold to sell flowers wasn’t easy though, Sarah’s health started to get bad and she got a lung infection.  Her face started to look ill and under her eyes there were black circles, which showed how tired she was getting day after day.  Emma used to check on her and offer to take her to the Doctor, but Sarah didn’t want to, all she used to say was “I’m fine, I don’t feel any pain”.  Sarah was afraid to miss a day of seeing her angel’s face in the morning, and she would convince herself and her daughter that she was fine.

One day Emma came to the place to buy her flower as usual, but she couldn’t find Sarah.  She was worried about her, standing in the middle of the street looking left and right, trying to find someone to ask about the flower seller.  A man asked her “Are you looking for your friend?” Emma turned quickly and really concerned replied “Yes, have you seen her today?”  He said “Unfortunately, we found her this morning lying in the street, I think they took her to ER”.  Emma interrupted him and asked, “do you know where she lives?”  The man was surprised,  “You don’t know where she lives?”  Emma replied “No, she never told me”.  The man smiled, and said “in a little room under the stairs”…  Emma was shocked.  She went to check the room, the door was unlock, the room had one bathroom, but not even a kitchen.  When she stepped into the room she stood powerless, not believing what she was looking at…  Photos of her from when she was a little baby, but she never had photos when she was that age.  She saw Sarah’s diary where she had written alongside every flower she had sold Emma, how she had felt to see her Angel’s eyes.  In the drawer she even found the letter that had caused Sarah to move to the city.  Emma couldn’t believe it, she recalled how every year on mother’s day Sarah used to say, “Here this is another red flower for your mom on her day”.  Emma used to reply, “Thank you but my mother died when I was a little girl, my grand parents raised me”.  Emma recalled that she used to see tears in Sarah’s eyes, she though she was feeling Emma’s loss and pain.  Then Sarah used to give her an extra flower and said, “Take this for free, but in water as if you are buying it for your mom and you are going to see her tomorrow, she will feel your love”.

Emma stayed in shock for hours, crying, and not know what to do.  Having doubts, and yet no doubt, at the reality of Sarah revealed, her real mom.  Running to the ER to see her mother, she saw her lying in the bed without any movement, without any breath.  Another visitor had reached this the place before Emma. Death!  Emma stood there in a silence, not only her heart was breaking, she felt her soul was aching too.  A voice cut her thoughts and the silence, “Do you know this woman?”  Emma replied  “Yes, she’s my mother”. The nurse handing Emma a letter said, “She gave me this letter with this photo and asked me to give it to her daughter when she comes”.  Emma took the letter with shivering hands and started reading…

To my daughter with love…

I never knew real happiness until you came to my life, you decorated my days with your angelic smile, I never knew how to deal with death, how to die every day in a new way, until they took you away from me, and then I never knew how to come back to life again until I met you again after 18 years.

I know when you read this letter I’ll be gone, I know you have so many questions to ask.  I came to the city searching for you.  The room I rented faced your room.  It’s a tiny room but through that window that faced your apartment I used to feel that I’m living in a castle, and looking through it’s window to my real world, you.

I convinced you to buy a red flower every day from me because it would bring warm smiles to your days.  I was selfish to ask this, I wanted these smiles so much after I lost them so many long years ago. It was you giving me those smiles, it was looking at your eyes, that gave me the courage to keep on living.

Don’t cry after me, I’ll be always near.  Sometimes life gives us a reason to cry and sometimes a reason to smile.  Life gave me reason to cry for long years, but you my precious daughter are the reason to make me smile.  Even at this moment while I am close to death…

 Jinan

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Jinan-Zeidan/134380173267195

April 26, 2011 Posted by | Accidents, Canada, childhood, Death, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, Hate, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Mother, others, Parents, Past, Peace, Poverty, Promises, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, Words, youth | 11 Comments

Human Just Like You


“Please stop”. How many people have shouted these words?  And how many others scream it silently on the inside?  When a person forgets that the one they hurt is a human too, the violence can cross the limits and can so easily end in death. How many families are facing this issue? I prefer to name it “disease” or “addiction”, when the human mind stops working, stops thinking, then the path is open to violence in their thoughts. When their brain stops working, from holding them back from beating their victim, they forget who is this person they are looking at, if it’s their mother, their child, their sister or even their wife. They become addicted to beating others.  It may take away all their anger and the stress for them, but puts it all on the wrong person. It’s a disease indeed, it is spread all over the world, and destroys families and lives.

How many women are beaten to death, but no one knows about them? They might have screamed and begged for mercy, and their children might have seen and witnessed what happened to their mother, but what can a child do?  As much as it affects the mother, it will also affect the kids.  Will they be violent with their friends or their own families when they grow up?  Or does the inner injurious they have suffered make them live in fear?   Afraid they cannot protect themselves, will they always consider anyone a danger to their life, because the closest person to them has caused so much damage.  Will they always have the fear to die by violence. When I think about those who are violent to others, firstly I believe they don’t know God, because if they do they would fear to hurt his creatures.  They are hurting someone of flesh and blood, and the bruises they leave on faces and bodies, the bleeding marks, the fear in the eyes, the insecurity they dig into a soul, and the fearful sleepless nights, they become this wild person who might sneak into the room and hit them if they dared to dream and do not stay awake in fear.

Those who cause all this unbearable pain to others don’t know God, or fear him. It is the devil’s work in their soul when their mind stops working, when they stop from thinking wisely and become wild. They have nothing to be grateful for, because if they did they would find peace of mind.  We always think, what if we are in their shoes, and we don’t know what they are going through to act like that, but I can’t even imagine being in their shoes.  The reason it is so hard to know what they are thinking is simply because they are not thinking. Only imagining a child’s eyes begging someone to stop beating them… It makes me wish if I can do anything to stop this violence that is spread all over the world.  Violence has many faces, it’s not only physical, there is also verbal aggression as well, that kind of violence can injure more than physical harm. The words they use to oppress and control is so harsh and ruthless, it could push someone to suicide. Words could harm more than a bullet sometimes.  It plays with people’s mind, leaves them thinking they are nothing, or that they did something bad that they never did. Making others feel guilt for something they never did, can cause the problem to spread. Playing on their distress might make them lose their mind, may drive them to act in a very wrong way.  If they might act in a wrong way with others, then they who are the victim are changed into the criminal without ever thinking about what they are doing.

Many reasons can change people and drive them to be hard to deal with; they lose control of their life, or circumstances force them to face difficulties that show up out of nowhere.  Lately there are economic problems that affect the whole world and leave thousands homeless.  Many others are left without work, this issue can create more violence.  Some have killed their families because they don’t want them to live in poverty, they have just lost hope, and faith of course too.  Because if they had faith they would pray to God help them, but in their situation, the shock they have received, their brain stops working and they took their own life.  Others may become more violent and start to steal to feed their families, they don’t want to, but they have no choice, this kind of people are not dangerous like others, they became violent in a sudden way, under specific conditions, but with time they will be addicted to it.

Also, the people making dangerous weapons and the countries that make deals with each other to gain money; but the price they gain is different from the price that the victim will pay.  Thousands of children’s souls, thousands of families torn apart, thousands of victims still alive but having lost their hands or legs, those who will pay the price are not those who sell the weapons. This kind of violence is the most dangerous, because the one who is violent is a whole country.  This violence never looks in the child’s eyes begging for it to stop, or asking him about his parents who died in the war. To sell weapons and gain money, the more money gained means the more victims will have died without having the chance to know who was behind this. But the one behind this is a person who never knew God, his job is to kill and gain, he’s not concerned about the blood that‘s spreading everywhere, his concern is only to win the game.

Violence has so many faces, it runs at all levels, high and low.  We might find a cure to those who are violent to their families or their friends, but when it comes to those who create wars and kill people without mercy we find ourselves paralyzed.  We can’t do anything but pray that God will light their minds and make them realize that we all are human also, like them…

Whatever the kind of violence that people are facing, the victim is always a person, not a thing. A person that has feelings, a person from flesh and blood.  When you hit someone or beat them, the tears they cry and the words they say to make you stop, and yet you continue beating them without thinking, then the devil’s spirit increases in your soul and mind.  Why can you not stop and think about why they scream, why you feel you want to beat them, why you say words to harm them deeply and leave a painful trace that no one can ever erase.  Look at their eyes, the tears they are crying, try to feel their pain and hear the words they are trying to say every time they raise their hands to cover their face to protect themselves.  There is always words they scream – but you never hear. 

“Please stop. I’m a human just like you!”

  Jinan

January 22, 2011 Posted by | childhood, Death, emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, Hate, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Memorial, Memories, others, Parents, Past, Peace, Poverty, Promises, silence, Speak, suicide, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Violence, Wars, Words, youth | 36 Comments

Behind Closing Doors


Have you ever looked deeply in their eyes? There is a hidden message, have you ever read it? Through their silence, did you try to hear their unspoken words? They were screaming for help, have you ever heard them? When they take away their own life, you judge them as bad people or even unstable ones, but who knows what they have been through to reach that level of depression that pushed them to commit suicide? Behind closing doors we never know what’s going on in other’s lives.

People face a tremendous number of troubles, a few prefer to consult a psychologist, and some think that it’s a personal issue no one should interfere with. In the other hand they drown in the troubles. They keep on increasing until they lose control of themselves; they pay the price or the people who are close to them pay the price. Sometimes, the problem may be a very simple one, but it depends on the age of the person. When a 10 year old boy/girl faces a situation of bullying in school, at the same time he/she might have family problems and no one is there to listen to them. That for sure would affect their life, especially with the insecurity they are facing in their home. They would be having difficulties in their study, and also lack of self-esteem. They would think that they are not welcome in this life, instead of having good time in school to forget their problems at home, they are being scared to go there watching everyone destroying them. And when they go back home after school, instead of having a loving family who can help them, they are having a hard time with their parents. For them it is as if they are moving from hell to hell. When those children commit suicide, then everyone would wake up, and start searching for the reasons that lead that child to take away his/her life. They start wondering and recalling how they were always calm; they were polite and never talked in a loud voice. They were obeying, never hurt anyone. At home their parents go to check if there are any obstacles that their child was facing in school, and there they know what was going on with their child, but after what? After they lost them. Where were they when their child was coming back from school with teary eyes? Where were they when they called him/her for lunch and said they prefer to stay in their room? Where were they when their child woke up crying and feeling scared not knowing what to do. They never think of their child until after they lose them. They then remember that they should go and ask about what was happening with their child. This is what I call selfish. When parents want to be selfish, why would they get married? When they don’t want to protect their children with their eyes, why would they have children? If they are immature to solve their troubles with wisdom, why would they involve other lives in theirs?

 We don’t expect a 10 year old child or even 15 years old teen to get what’s going on around them. When it’s too much to handle, especially at this age , they need caring people to keep on watching over them and guiding them to the right track, because even if they passed that phase in their life, they might drown later when they get older. They would be involved in other issues, like: drugs, violence, stealing etc.. If they opened their eyes watching their dad violent with their mom, they would do the same when they get married, and they would consider their actions right, because their dad is their idle. We never know what’s going on behind closing doors. Families face battles, and the silence that covers up, we would explore suddenly with hearing shocking news, and our first thought is: “They looked like a very happy family, what happened to them?” But the truth is, they’ve never been a happy family, their home’s doors were closing all the time, and we never know what was going on there. However, some people love to judge others; it’s in their nature. They never look at the reasons that led to that person to take way his/her life; they always focus on the result.

A little accident happened with me lately. Someone knocked on our door, I opened up and I saw an old man in his early 60’s. He seemed lost, something in his eyes made me wonder at the same moment what’s with that man. He asked me about my dad, I replied that dad is not home. I was about to ask him if he would like to leave a message to dad, he left me talking to myself and turned his back and left. My mom came at that moment and saw me and the expression on my face because of how he left. She asked me: “Who’s that? And what does he want?” I was really shocked and said, “What’s going on with that man? He just left me talking to myself without saying a word of thanks. I was kind of not satisfied about what he did, especially that I was very polite with him. My mother smiled for what happened with me, but in someway, that man stuck on my head. I kept thinking of what was wrong with him, he seemed very lost, his eyes were really teary. I felt something wrong with him and that’s why he was on my mind until a few days ago, I heard that he committed suicide. I was shocked, and recalled the moment I opened the door and saw him standing there lost, as if he’s searching for something. I knew the reason why he left me talking to myself without even saying “Thank you” or if as he’ll come again later. I recognized how much he was not there even when he was there asking about my dad. He wasn’t focusing on what he’s doing or with whom he’s talking. Later on, I knew from others who knew that man that he has tremendous troubles in his family and with his son. I wish I never saw him. I keep wondering why did he give up at this age? He must have been in a very difficult situation through his life, but why would he give up now? He’s supposed to be stronger and wiser to deal with his problems. But then again, I’m not in his shoes to know what was going on with that old man. I keep recalling his teary eyes and wish I could help him. I never knew that people at this age might take away their life too. Now I know more than ever, that no matter how strong the person might be, no matter how happy the person might look, in one moment he might be the weakest, and in one moment he might collapse and break down. 

Never bully a person, you should be thinking that you may be pushing them to end their lives. Never ignore the tears you see in other’s eyes, with one question you ask: “Are you okay? Can I help you?” you may be saving his life by knowing that there is someone ready to open his arms and hold them and stand by them. Always try to make those who feel insecure, feel security. Find a way and show them love and care, you may be helping them to live longer.

Behind closing doors, there is a hidden secret; you can’t break those doors to find the truth. But at least, never judge in a bad way on those who take away their life, or even on those who try to and fail. Ask yourself why didn’t you wipe their tears at least once? Why didn’t you hear them screaming instead of closing your ears? Why didn’t you think to solve their problems when they kept silent? It’s true that their home’s door was closed and you couldn’t do anything to help, but why didn’t you ever take the chance to get close to them when they opened the door and left their home, instead of judging them?

  Jinan

November 28, 2010 Posted by | childhood, Death, emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Letters, Life, Love, Memorial, Memories, Mother, news, others, outsiders, Parents, Past, Peace, Poverty, Promises, silence, Smile, Speak, suicide, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Violence, Words, youth | 6 Comments

Quotes By Jinan Zeidan


1 -The moment you start to suffer, you start to experience life.

2- Don’t let tears block the happiness that is coming on your way

3- No matter how much we say we are over it, we always take a peek to the past

4- Those who say they are with you forever are the first to let you down

5- I never knew how much some people live in ignorance until I heard these words from them: “I know everything.”

6- Missing someone living away from us hurts, but missing someone though they are sitting next to us kills.

8- You can sleep to escape your problems but how do you escape your nightmares?

9- There is no upper class and lower class; in the eyes of God we are all equal.

10-   It’s hard to keep saying “Don’t worry” when word “sorry” becomes a habit.

11-I hate the fact that people always say they want to live in peace & every year they remind us of a tragedy that happened in the past by making a memorial, to let the new generations grow up on hatred.

12-I never dreamt to meet a celebrity in my whole life, I have bigger dreams than that.

September 12, 2010 Posted by | emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Letters, Life, Love, Memorial, Memories, others, Peace, Poverty, Promises, Qoutes, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, Words | 8 Comments

وطنيّون ولكن…


وطنيون نعم، ولكن… فاسدون أيضاً، هذه حقيقة معظم حكام لبنان. فسرقة المواطن لم تعد من أولوياتهم فقد حصلوا ويحصلون على أموال الشعب، ولكن الآن أتى ما هو اعظم وسيترحّم المواطن اللبناني على سرقة أمواله، سيترحّم المواطن اللبناني غلى الوعود الزائفة التي اعتاد أن يسمعها من المسؤولين سيترحم المواطن اللبناني على كل ذلك لأن الكارثة أصبحت تطال الامن الاجتماعي والصحي على حدٍ سواء..

أدوية فاسدة مستوردة من باكستان، تليها باخرة قمح فاسدة مليئة بالحشرات مستوردة من أوكرانيا. والسؤال:” تم توقيف الباخرتين ولكن كم من باخرة مرّت مرور الكرام ودخلت الأراضي اللبنانيّة؟ أستطيع أن أجيب عن هذا السؤال وسأقول:” بقدرما يملك معظم المسؤولين والحكام ضمير ومسؤولية وصدق اتجاه هذا الشعب.”  مما يعني لقد مرّ على مرّ السنين مئات لا بل ألآلاف البضائع الفاسدة ولم يُحرّك أحداً ساكناً….

131صندوقاً من الأدوية المزورّة يحاولون تمريرها الى الأراضي اللبنانيّة، لكي تدخل الصيدليات وتزيد المريض علّة وألم ، أين ضمائركم أيها الفاسدون…؟  ألا ترون ما يمرّ به المواطن اللبناني من أزمات مالية وبأية طريقة يحصل فيها على المال؟ فمقابل تأمين دواء واحد لاحد أفراد عائلته لا يستطيع تأمين غداء لهم بالمقابل، فكيف اذا ما كان الدواء مزوّر وكل آمال المريض معلًقة على هذا الدواء ليخفف من آلامه . بأي حق تتحول حياة المواطن الى صفقة، وبأي حق بدل أن تسهروا على راحته تنامون انتم وحياته مهددة بسببكم…

بعد الباخرة المحمّلة بالأدوية تلتها باخرةالقمح التي كان من المقررتمريرها كبضاعة صالحة ولكن بعد الكشف عليها وفضح ما تحويه حاولوا تمريرها على أنها بضاعة للعلف، ومجددأ أعود لأسأل” كم من سفينة كانت تحمل القمح الفاسد ودخلت دون أن يعلم بأمرها أحد على مر السنوات الماضية؟ وأعود لاُجيب عن هذا السؤال:” بقدر ما نصب على المواطنون بعض الحكام وبعدد المرات التي باعوا فيها كرامتهم لاذلال شعبهم….

الفساد… بيع الكرامات… السرقة… التزوير…تجارة المخدرات…وأكثر، كل هذا يزداد يوماً بعد يوم، والسبب هو المسؤولون عن هذا الوطن، الفساد يزداد يوماً بعد يوم  والسبب الاستهتار بالأمن الاجتماعي والصحي، الاستهتار بشعب بأكمله …. ألوم معظم المسؤولين وليس جميعهم، فالبعض وطنيون يسهرون على الوطن وعلى أمنه ويحاولون جاهدين حماية المواطنين، ولكن في مكان ما يقفون في الوسط حائرين والسبب عندما يتواجدون على طاولة واحدة مع مسؤولون وطنيون أيضاً ولكن … فاسدون!

جنان زيدان

April 17, 2010 Posted by | Arabic, Beirut, Death, Human Rights, Lebanon, Life, Middle East, news, Politics, Poverty, Speak, Thought | 3 Comments

It’s Just A thought..Only A thought…


I always think about peace in my country, about getting over the blood and the bombs that killed hundreds of people, I say what if we live at last in peace… But I realized…It’s just a thought, only a thought…

I always think, about how this world is a mess, I think about poor people who live in poverty and suffer from illnesses. I wish some people could help them instead of spreading the violence in their countries. I wish some countries  could give them the  cure instead of spreading the disease… But I realized… it’s just a thought, only a thought…

 I always think, about  the scientists who discover new inventions every day,  to ease other people’s daily lives, but the more they are creating easier and faster inventions, the more the lives of other people are rushing and loosing the sense of humanity… it’s as if they are in a very tiny village, but away from each other like earth and space…I wish if people could still have some of their traditions, and have  control on their behavior,  But I realized….It’s just a thought, only a thought….

I think about people who lives in the 1st world are as if they are in the 3rd world, and vice versa. I just hope they stop saying 1st world, 2nd and 3rd world, because the whole world is a combination of these three worlds…  The poverty that is existing in the 3rd world is the same and sometimes worse in some countries  in the 1st world….I wish if they just look at people from all the countries as human beings without looking at their background or from where they are coming, because it‘s not about the country, it’s about the human being…But I realized..It’s just a thought, only a thought….

I always think…What if some day, we switch on the TV, without watching a funeral of a martyr, without watching the mothers passing out.

In Iraq, soldiers are getting killed of  all nationalities: US, Canadian, British, and many others. Their families are living the grief; they leave their own countries to die in other countries. Arabian soldiers, also die. They all die in the same countries, for the same reason, fighting terrorism… I wish if we could know who the real terrorist is. Maybe I know, but I wish, if they know… And I realized… it’s just a thought… only a thought

 I think, but I guess I will stop thinking. I will start to pray, that someday, all these thoughts become facts, so that we can reduce the pain in this world, so that people get a chance to live in peace, and those who trade human organs, get some respect from humanity… I will stop thinking; I will start to pray that someday my wishes become true and not just stays as …Only a thought…

  Jinan

February 10, 2010 Posted by | British, Death, English, Human Rights, Iraq, Lebanon, Life, Middle East, news, Peace, Politics, Poverty, Thought, USA, Violence, Wars | 6 Comments