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Behind The Fire Lines


Behind the fire lines

Are nothing but prayers that cover her fears

But it can’t prevent her tears from falling and drawing hundreds of questions

With the painful one: where is he now?

She knows God is always there for all the people who are fighting for their right

To get their freedom back..

But things get complicated and the image is foggy when blood covers the land

All she hears is people screaming and hearts deeply bleeding

Behind the fire line he’s standing there

Who knows what’s going on?

There, is it a safe place? Or is he not okay?

Thoughts are the big enemy too when they takes us to imagine an anonymous bloody place

Where people went asking for peace and suddenly haters cut them into pieces on the streets

She’s fighting the evil thoughts by praying and trusting God that He will take care of him…

She sleeps every night wishing to see him in her dreams

A dream can heal for once even if reality will slap her on the face

When she wakes up

But at least it will stop the tears for a while ..

Behind the fire lines her heart is burning there trying to search for his face

And her soul is aching while waiting for his return …

Jinan

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July 6, 2013 Posted by | Accidents, Death, Egypt, emotions, fear, Hate, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Middle East, news, others, Overseas, Parents, Peace, Politics, R.I.P Mighty soldiers, silence, Soldiers, Speak, Thought, Trust, Violence, Wars, Words, youth | 2 Comments

Mighty Soldiers


She was there holding his hand begging him to stay

He was forced to leave her, how he wished to be there for another day. But he was comforting her by saying, “Anytime you need me, I’ll be there.”

“How is that?” she thought. He handed her a necklace with the name of the Lord engraved on it. “This will protect you and keep you from any harm”; she held it close to her heart.

She cried silently; her tears were burning every little breath she was taking.

Duty was calling him to serve his country, his steps were getting far while her heart was breaking apart.

Days passed by and months were like decades waiting for any news from him.

They said the war is near and never seeing his face was the only thing she feared.

She looked at her one year old child and holding him tight.

She said, “Please Lord, protect the father of my child and the man of my life. Keep him safe and bring him back home alive.

” Days passed by and the only seat she sat on was her husband’s, spending time on the balcony waiting for him to come.

One day she heard a knock on the door, and was hoping that her hero had come back home.

She opened the door and a soldier was standing there…She realized she became The mighty soldier’s widow.

She was frozen in place and didn’t dare say a word.

The man said, “Sorry ma’am for your loss, your husband was a brave soldier.” before he continued talking, she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

The world stopped for hours and a deep silence filled the place; she opened her eyes to see all the family surrounding her.

Some were crying, others were in shock but she was the only one who was dying.

Mighty soldiers leave their places to serve their country, leaving behind a wife and kids who are waiting them to come back home. What do we know about their feelings when they leave to the military?

Their kids’ and wife’s photos are their ID’s to find their feelings. Their fears that their children’s eyes will be seen for the last time, their heart aches silently leaving their wives, the love of their life, and never have the chance to feel it again.

Lucky are those who come back to their families even though the sad images from wars are stuck in their minds. But what about those who never come back, leaving everything behind them? Sacrificing their happiness, and all the happy moments they will spend with their children to protect their country and fight for their rights that the enemies want to take from them.

They are fighters with mighty hearts who believe in God, who are ready to give their own life to save hundreds. These are people who are ready to sacrifice their own happiness with their families in return giving a chance for thousands of men to have happiness with their own loved ones.

Just by thinking of a woman standing by her window waiting for her man to come back home after the war, and getting nothing but a dead body without a soul…

Just by thinking of her place: how the emptiness filled it even though her kids are playing around…

Just by thinking of her packing his clothes, his favorite CDs, by recalling his last words, smiling for the good memories and crying more for the bad ones….

Just by thinking of her speechless when her kids ask her, “When will dad come back home?”… It tears my heart apart to think of any woman who lost her husband in a war, how long she would stand her loss, and her longing to see him again…

They are mighty soldiers, those who swore to protect their country and be loyal to their promise…

I believe that the moment they take their last breath, a new angel enters heaven after serving his time on earth beneath…

  Jinan

September 5, 2012 Posted by | Death, fear, Human Rights, Letters, Life, Love, Memorial, Memories, others, Parents, Peace, R.I.P Mighty soldiers, Soldiers, Speak, Thought, USA, Violence, Wars, Words | , , | 5 Comments

The Release Of My First Book


Hello  everyone, just wanted to announce the release of my first book  ” Let Them Go With A Smile”. It’s on AuthorHouse.com & here’s the link:

http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000478132/Let-Them-Go-With-A-Smile.aspx

December 22, 2011 Posted by | Accidents, childhood, Death, Drugs, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, friendship, Grandfather, Hate, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Mother, Nature, news, others, outsiders, Overseas, Parents, Past, Peace, play with feelings, Politics, Poverty, Promises, Qoutes, silence, Smile, Speak, suicide, Technology, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, USA, Violence, Words, youth | 3 Comments

Homeless Child…


He was born like many other children, filled with love and innocent. He had caring parents as he recalls, they use to hold him and protect him in his first years. They taught him how to walk and how to talk.  They used to run towards him and wipe his tears when he fell, just like any other parents would do for their child.  He’s the youngest in the family, his brother was 12 years old, and his sister was almost 10 when he born.  He used to wait for them, for when they come back to the place where they all sheltered under the bridge, to play with him.  Usually they left that place early in the morning while he was still sleeping, and often they came back late after he was asleep.  His mom was so special, she was the only person who was always around, his dad used to disappear, sometimes for weeks.  As a little baby, all that mattered to him was to play, eat and sleep.  He was too small to know what’s going on with his family.  Newly arrived to life, he didn’t know yet that there is lot to go through, didn’t know that his life will be a battle, that he’s just one new fighter in this family he was born into.  He didn’t know yet the name of the place he lives, he used to think it’s home, but his family name it hell…  That became clear after he turned 6 years old. 

It was a sunny day when his mom told him to put on his dirty torn clothes and be ready for a long walk.  “A long walk where?” the boy asked, “…but mom I want to stay here and play”.  With a strict look, his dad ordered him to obey his mom.  The boy kept silent and bowed his head.  His clothes were dirty as usual, you wouldn’t know it had different colors.  His face were dirty as well, he didn’t have a mirror to know how he looked.  Maybe if he did he would know why people ignored him in the streets, why they looked at him in a disgusted way.  He loves to leave what he calls home, to enjoy the sunshine, because where he lives the rays of the sun can’t find their way.  Their place was not a healthy one.  That’s the reason why the family was often sick. 

While he was walking with his mom he wondered where she was taking him, she never said.  All she said was “from this day you will start to work just like your sister and brother, you are a little man now”.  They arrived at a very crowded place, where families went with their kids and relatives, where friends meet up together, and everyone looked happy.  His mom stopped and bent towards him, she looked deeply and seriously into his eyes and said  “I will leave you here, I will come back later to get you”.  The little boy was scared and asked his mom “but where are you going, and why you are leaving me here?”  She replied “See those people, you have to stay with them, go and try to get money, food, or anything you can get”.  “But mom…” he cried.  His mom shook him in a strict way and said “LISTEN TO ME, this is how we get money, this is what your brother and sister do, everyone has a job and this is yours now too”.  He looked at his mom, tears filling his eyes; his lips spelled one word …ok.  He stood there, watching his mom walk away.

All he saw were strangers, people who ignored him, or who looked at him in pity, who pushed him to get away from them.  Happy children were everywhere, he saw them playing with their parents, laughing and giggling.  He wondered why their parents didn’t leave them alone in this place like his mom did.  The time passed, and by noon, he felt so hungry and wanted something to eat.  He couldn’t go and just ask people to give him money, or even to give him something to eat.  He was so scared and lost.  He went to the garbage, started to eat the old bread.  A cat made him start from fear when she jumped out from the garbage.  He was crying and didn’t know what to do.  He ate a little, only what he could find in the garbage, it was better than nothing.  He walked around, trying to ask people to give him money.  The first woman he saw sitting with her kids, he came near to her and said “give me money please or something to eat”.  The woman yelled at him, protective of her own two kids. “I’m not going to hurt them, I’m just a kid like them” he mumbled.  But she kept on yelling, telling him to stay away.

The first day ended, the sun disappeared and his mom never reappeared. He sat on the street, some of those who passed by him gave him money without him asking them.  He waited so long for his mom, but she never came to take him back home.  He didn’t know how to get there by himself.  The dogs were barking, the cats fighting in the middle of the night, the people passing grew fewer until there were no more people on the street.  Only him and some other homeless people.  He cried and tried to find a box to sleep in, he was very tired and wanted to sleep. All the lights were switched off, all the other kids his age were home asleep. He covered himself with bags and slept on the side of the road, where else he could go?  He thought about his mom, why didn’t she come back he kept thinking until he fell asleep.

The next day, the steps of people passing by woke him, at first he didn’t’ recognize where he was… until he recalled the day before.  He felt the fear again, the insecurity of the coming days.  He thought about his mom and his family.  He missed his brother and sister, where are they now? Would he ever see them again?  He went to a nearby shop to buy something to eat, thankful for the people who dropped money for him while he lay on the street.  He entered the shop and the man screamed “get out you dirty boy”.  He ran from fear and tripped and fell.  He cried from pain, from fear, from anything that might come near him.  A soft hand touched his shoulder, and asked him to stand up.  He looked up and saw a very nice lady with a little boy.  She said “Come, let me help you up, how old are you?”  He looked at her son, he was about his age, “I’m 6 years old” he said.  She asked, “Are you hungry?”  He started crying, “yes I am”.  “I saw the man screaming at you, wait for me here and I’ll bring you something to eat”.  She went to the shop and bought some food and candy.  “Can I have them all?” he asked, the lady smiled and said, “sure, it’s all yours.  Are you new here?” “Yes” he replied.  The woman told him that she had to leave, but she promised to check back on him every day and bring him something to eat. 

He felt that God was looking over him, and each day he waited for the woman, but he never forgot about his family, especially his mom.  Her face kept coming to his imagination, telling him that he’s a man now. With days the small kid grew, with years he knew his reality.  He wonders now about the person he once called mom, who used to be his whole world, the person who held him and protected him, is she the same person who threw him away?  Too many questions, but no one to give him answers or erase his fears.  He knows the place where he lives under the bridge isn’t a home, and why the people call him homeless.  He can’t go to school, he knows nothing but begging and the people who give him money so he can eat.  He looks around seeing happy kids playing with their friends, riding their bicycles, getting into fancy cars with their parents, and asks; why am I different from them?  It wasn’t his choice to be homeless, it wasn’t that he wanted to sleep on the streets.  Or to hide in boxes, fearful that the dogs might bite him.  He always wishes some day he will wake up and his life will be changed.  But every morning he wakes to the sound of people’s steps hurrying by, or screaming for the Taxi.  What hurts him the most though is to overhear conversations, mothers on the phone saying she’ll be home soon.  Home, a word that fills his heart with sorrow.  He waited for his mom for long years, and he still goes to the place where she left him.  Still wishes she would come to take him to where they all live, anywhere, as long as they were all together, with his brother and sister.  He has some friends who are also homeless, they have their own stories too.  Sometimes they all go to a shelter to eat and sleep.  Other times he forgets himself, waiting on his own till late in the evening, and falls asleep waiting there…

 

Whenever you see a homeless person, give them a helping hand, give them food or clothes, or even a place to live.  Some of them were born homeless, growing up in fear, watching people kick them, yell at them, and look at them in a disgusted way.  It’s not their fault.  We are blessed to have a home to live in.  We have our own rooms, our own cars, money to buy whatever we want.  Do we sometimes cry and feel life is unfair if our parents disagree and refuse to buy something for us?  So what about those whose life has said NO to them for everything since they were born?  Never pass by the homeless without a thought for their fate, spare a smile and some kindness.  You will never know what their life has been, what they are waiting for that will never come…

 Jinan

FaceBook Page: https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Jinan-Zeidan/134380173267195

 

 

 

 

June 12, 2011 Posted by | childhood, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Homeless children, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Mother, others, Parents, Past, Peace, Poverty, Promises, silence, Smile, Thought, Trust, Violence, Words | 13 Comments

Woman In Black


She sits in silence her tears pouring down, her hands shivering and dancing to the rhythm of her heart beat.  It’s a glimpse into what surrounds her, a past that turns her world around. Calling out names of people who have faded away, nothing in her ears except the echo shaking her cold body.  Nothing in her eyes but tears, she’s a woman in black living moments of fear…

What covered her soul with sadness? What made her wings too weak to fly as high as she had dreamed? She had been an angel with a pure heart, no wounds caused by lies, not afraid to walk in the sunshine, wise and full of life.  Now she’s an aching heart, dancing in the dark with broken wings.  When she falls and another wound appears on her body, she’s content with her bleeding skin.  But there are other wounds that are hidden inside of her heart.

 She heads to her closet to pick a colorful dress, maybe it can help her to take a step to happiness, she hope so anyway.  If she could change the colour she wears, picking her favorite dress with a broken smile, she thinks she might change her dark mood for a colorful one.  But standing in front of her mirror, what she sees is herself wearing black again, how come she wondered looking down, it’s a colorful dress, but a glimpse into the mirror and it’s black again…  It’s the reflection of her aching soul in the mirror, that can’t allow her to be happy, won’t allow her to fool herself by covering her body with a colorful dress.  She’s not smart enough to fool her soul, it’s not about her body, it’s about what lies within.  When skin is wounded it bleeds, but then it heals.  Maybe there will be a scar as a reminder of the wound, maybe not.  But when her soul is wounded, it is a hurt without bleeding or screaming, and she is lost in a body that doesn’t know what to do.  A wounded prisoner in a sad body, that can’t give up, yet can’t escape.  That is the blackness in the woman’s soul… 

She would break her mirror to destroy the truth she’s denying….  The truth that hurts, the truth that would always be there…  Leaving her room the pieces of her mirror cover the floor, they seem to her like shards of her aching soul….  Please Lord give me strength she screams silently, asking for the power to feel strong enough, to stand up on her own again.  She has faith to ask God for help, to look up in prayer when everything else would turn her down.  When none of those passing can give their hands to help her up, only God is willing to do that. 

She knows that all those who came her way may be good people, but still they turned, to become a pain in her life, turned now into illusion.  The love she gave taken for granted, the friends she trusted have left her alone with doubt, and those who passed away have left her with a dead heart and a soul in pain, turning her days into black.  So many questions she asks herself.  Asking why?  Such an easy and short word, but the answer is so complicated and hard.  Walking slowly with breaking steps, she’s too young to feel old this way.  She’s full of life, so why is she’s dying silently everyday?  What makes her switch on the light in the middle of the day, when the sun is shining and warm? She lives in the light but sees nothing but darkness, she has her own world no one else can enter, to be there to share her pain.  All she sees is darkness, opening her eyes or closing them, it’s all the same.  Who should she blame that the light has left her life?  Who would take her hand and walk slowly with her, who can show her the way.  Who would be brave enough, kind enough, to make her feel safe?  She tries through her faith to light her way, she asks for God’s help in all the ways she knows. She has none beside her except God and her faith.

She’s a young woman who was surrounded by big numbers of friends, but started to lose them one by one until she ended up alone.  She has memories that she keeps of things she can’t feel or see any more.  The breeze touching her face, the flowers and the trees playing in breeze, the giggling of kids and their innocent faces.  Recalling them makes her feel a little alive, but all that she hears is a killing silence that she fears.  She can feel the happiness of other women with their children and their men when they are pass her by, but yet she can’t dare to wish to have a family and kids too.  It’s spring time and the sun is shining outside, she touches her lips making sure she’s smiling, heads to her closet to try to figure out which colorful dress to wear, picking her blue dress, she never looks at her mirror.  Standing on her balcony she tries to be strong, a passing neighbor tells her she looks good today, she smiles, forgets herself and goes to see herself in the mirror, all she sees is black.  Her soulful eyes fill with tears, ruining her make up, she breaks down on the floor, and breaks another mirror, it’s not her mirrors fault.

Darkness is covering her life.  There is only her faith left now to light up her way.  She searches again and again through her faith to re-find her security and joy.  She’s a blind woman fighting every day to find her way back to happiness.  In the past she was a happy girl full of life.  They all see her as the girl in the ever-changing colourful dresses, she has her own world.  In her sight everything has changed, she has forgotten the sensation of being happy, she accepts the bitter fact, she’s a woman in black.

 Jinan

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Jinan-Zeidan/134380173267195

May 25, 2011 Posted by | Accidents, childhood, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Nature, others, outsiders, Parents, Past, Peace, Promises, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Violence, Words, youth | 11 Comments

The Killing Loop


“Yes, I’m his father”. With head bowed down and his words come with a breeze of shivering, showing that he already expected to hear what that man is coming to say.  The Officer went ahead with his talking, saying “we found his body beside your wife’s grave after we received a phone call, we are sorry to bring you such sad news sir”.  He stood in a killing silence for minutes, wishing it’s a nightmare, he can’t stand on his legs any more, his knees felt so weak. The room seems so dark though it’s only just past noon and the sun’s shining.  Spring was carrying a promise of days filled with happiness and so many plans to share with his 19 years old son Dani, but the news he just heard will carry nothing but cloudy days with endless sadness…

Heading to the hospital is the longest ride he ever drove. He felt like the road is getting longer, though the distance between his place and the hospital is only 15 minutes.  He recalled the times he brought his son to this same hospital two years ago with his wife, who passed away after suffering from cancer.  They had only had the one son, Dani, and he was the world to both of them. But now he feels so apart from the world, he’s driving not sure if he’s taking the right road, can’t figure out if the track will lead him to the hospital to see his son for the last time, or to his wife’s grave to tell her how much he needs and misses her presence in that moment…. 

After he reaches the hospital, his weak steps want to pull him back, he wants any excuse to get back into the car.  He is scared about the coming moment, the moment that will reveal to him the cause of the death.  Although he’s sure what was behind it, still he never expect that things would end up in this painful way…. 

“Sorry for your loss”  the doctor says as he entered the room, but the father interrupts him, asking “what’s the cause of death?” “Overdose” the doctor replied… “we found a trace from drug needles in his hands, your son was a drug addicts and it seems he reached to the highest level”.  The father collapsed crying, feeling he was accusing himself of killing his son, saying “I never wanted to read the signs.”  But now the signs of Dani’s death would be in front of his eyes for the rest of his life, every time he visits his sons grave. “RIP Dani..”

Dani lost his mother when he was aged 17 years, at the age where he needs caring and loving people in hi life.  After he suffered seeing his mother fighting with cancer for more than a year, he lost his mom, but in an indirect way he lost his dad too.  For his dad was drowning in agony, his wife’s illness affecting his life, and he forgot that he had a son who needed him and feeling the same bitter pain from losing his mother.  With days their life changed, Dani used to come back home from school and see his mom in the kitchen preparing his food, waking him up in the morning, taking him to school if he’s late to catch his bus… After she was diagnosed with cancer she never changed her caring treatment towards her son and husband, not until the disease progressed too far and she got really tired… When his mother passed away, for Dani there was no need to be home after school, especially when his father was not there anymore too. Even if his father was there in body, in his mind he was with his wife.  For Dani it meant he lost both his mom and his dad…. 

Dani started to hang out more than he should have been allowed to, at age 18 he had his first beer, then he started to party with guys he met in the bars and in the streets, he got involved more and more with them.  He felt much better when there was something distracting him from feeling lonely, and his pain he lived in after his mom’s passed away…  He used to obey his parents to be at home before midnight, now spending the night out was a normal thing to him, he didn’t have to sneak back to his bed, he simply returned through the main door of the house.  He knew his Dad was asleep, and his mom was no longer alive to keep up waiting and worry for him… Though there was no rules to follow, he missed fighting with his mom about coming late home.  He missed her presence, he used to think that she’s going to be waiting for me tonight, but she never was…. With his father careless towards him, Dani was drowning, and after every visit to his mom’s grave he was falling… falling apart from the reality of who he used to be… Until one of his friends recommended marijuana and he felt happy at experiencing something new in his life.  But from marijuana things progressed to new kinds of drugs.  When he started on heroin though, he faced difficulties to provide money, so he was stealing and making deals with the drug suppliers, to set up with new teenagers and buy them drugs… 

His dad noticed that something was changing with his son, but he never gave enough attention, he just thought it was all about partying and getting drunk.  He noticed that his son’s temper was getting bad, but he thought it was from missing his mom that was making this change in his personality… He had never used to fight with his son, but now every day brought a new reason to fight. They used to hold each others hands when mom was alive, and pray before they have their lunch or dinner, now his dad never touch his son’s hand simply because they don’t sit at the same table anymore… The street life were taking Dani away from his home, the drugs were making him forget about who he used to be, and all the plans he had for his future faded away.  The happy life he used to live had become a nightmare, his mom was gone and his dad was still alive, but it was as if he had passed away too…

The last talk Dani had with his father  was actually a fight, a big fight.  He left home and never come back again for days. His dad saw by accident the marks on Dani’s hands, the needle track’s. He was worried that his son was using drugs.  He wanted to contact a treatment center to send his son to, to help his son to clean his body from this poison… He went to his son’s room, he tried to find something that would tell him that maybe he was wrong, but all the things that belonged to his son were missing… For three days he though and hoped his son was just spending time at a friend’s place and he would come get back home as usual.  He was wrong, when he opened the door to an Officer instead of opening it to welcome his son, he knew that Dani would never step into this home again, that he was alone in this place….

Drug abuse – there are so many reason that lead guys, especially teenagers, to fall into this trap.  Family problems, violence, divorce that affect the children, lacking for caring and love, etc.. Boys/girls can try to find something to help them forget their problems, the fake happiness that can be waiting for them in any place they go; school, street, party, trip etc.  The noose is ready to surround their life and kill them in any moment they lose faith and hope to save themselves…  Some people start their addiction through painkillers, and they get involve without even thinking it might lead them to be drug addictions. Once they accept the first cigarette that contain drugs they are putting the rope around their neck.  The more they get involve the more that killing loop tightens on their life, the higher they get the closer they are getting to death, until the moment comes when the loop get so tight they can’t breath, or even scream for help….

Dani’s father stood by his son’s grave after the funeral, knowing how much he had ignored his son after his wife was gone…  He thinks of his son and the times they spent together, the laughter they had, but all those memories he recalls were two years ago.  He feels as if he has never seen him since he last saw his wife.  His son was in front of him all the time but they never shared anything after mother passed away…  Now he needs his son.  He cries for them both, he feels guilty and collapses on the grass… He asks his son to forgive him for the times he didn’t see him though he was standing in front of him.  He apologize for the words he never heard, while he acted as if he did… He knew it’s not Dani’s fault, it was his own.  Dani took the overdose beside his mothers grave, that much he missed her to follow her, that much he was desperate…

Dani’s father never read the signs, though they were so clear to read… But now there is a big sign he will be forced to read every time he visit their graves, and he can do nothing about it..

“RIP Dani, you’ll be missed”…

 Jinan

April 4, 2011 Posted by | Accidents, Death, Drugs, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, Hate, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memorial, Memories, Mother, Nature, Parents, Past, Peace, Promises, silence, Speak, suicide, Thought, Trust, Violence, Words, youth | 7 Comments

Human Just Like You


“Please stop”. How many people have shouted these words?  And how many others scream it silently on the inside?  When a person forgets that the one they hurt is a human too, the violence can cross the limits and can so easily end in death. How many families are facing this issue? I prefer to name it “disease” or “addiction”, when the human mind stops working, stops thinking, then the path is open to violence in their thoughts. When their brain stops working, from holding them back from beating their victim, they forget who is this person they are looking at, if it’s their mother, their child, their sister or even their wife. They become addicted to beating others.  It may take away all their anger and the stress for them, but puts it all on the wrong person. It’s a disease indeed, it is spread all over the world, and destroys families and lives.

How many women are beaten to death, but no one knows about them? They might have screamed and begged for mercy, and their children might have seen and witnessed what happened to their mother, but what can a child do?  As much as it affects the mother, it will also affect the kids.  Will they be violent with their friends or their own families when they grow up?  Or does the inner injurious they have suffered make them live in fear?   Afraid they cannot protect themselves, will they always consider anyone a danger to their life, because the closest person to them has caused so much damage.  Will they always have the fear to die by violence. When I think about those who are violent to others, firstly I believe they don’t know God, because if they do they would fear to hurt his creatures.  They are hurting someone of flesh and blood, and the bruises they leave on faces and bodies, the bleeding marks, the fear in the eyes, the insecurity they dig into a soul, and the fearful sleepless nights, they become this wild person who might sneak into the room and hit them if they dared to dream and do not stay awake in fear.

Those who cause all this unbearable pain to others don’t know God, or fear him. It is the devil’s work in their soul when their mind stops working, when they stop from thinking wisely and become wild. They have nothing to be grateful for, because if they did they would find peace of mind.  We always think, what if we are in their shoes, and we don’t know what they are going through to act like that, but I can’t even imagine being in their shoes.  The reason it is so hard to know what they are thinking is simply because they are not thinking. Only imagining a child’s eyes begging someone to stop beating them… It makes me wish if I can do anything to stop this violence that is spread all over the world.  Violence has many faces, it’s not only physical, there is also verbal aggression as well, that kind of violence can injure more than physical harm. The words they use to oppress and control is so harsh and ruthless, it could push someone to suicide. Words could harm more than a bullet sometimes.  It plays with people’s mind, leaves them thinking they are nothing, or that they did something bad that they never did. Making others feel guilt for something they never did, can cause the problem to spread. Playing on their distress might make them lose their mind, may drive them to act in a very wrong way.  If they might act in a wrong way with others, then they who are the victim are changed into the criminal without ever thinking about what they are doing.

Many reasons can change people and drive them to be hard to deal with; they lose control of their life, or circumstances force them to face difficulties that show up out of nowhere.  Lately there are economic problems that affect the whole world and leave thousands homeless.  Many others are left without work, this issue can create more violence.  Some have killed their families because they don’t want them to live in poverty, they have just lost hope, and faith of course too.  Because if they had faith they would pray to God help them, but in their situation, the shock they have received, their brain stops working and they took their own life.  Others may become more violent and start to steal to feed their families, they don’t want to, but they have no choice, this kind of people are not dangerous like others, they became violent in a sudden way, under specific conditions, but with time they will be addicted to it.

Also, the people making dangerous weapons and the countries that make deals with each other to gain money; but the price they gain is different from the price that the victim will pay.  Thousands of children’s souls, thousands of families torn apart, thousands of victims still alive but having lost their hands or legs, those who will pay the price are not those who sell the weapons. This kind of violence is the most dangerous, because the one who is violent is a whole country.  This violence never looks in the child’s eyes begging for it to stop, or asking him about his parents who died in the war. To sell weapons and gain money, the more money gained means the more victims will have died without having the chance to know who was behind this. But the one behind this is a person who never knew God, his job is to kill and gain, he’s not concerned about the blood that‘s spreading everywhere, his concern is only to win the game.

Violence has so many faces, it runs at all levels, high and low.  We might find a cure to those who are violent to their families or their friends, but when it comes to those who create wars and kill people without mercy we find ourselves paralyzed.  We can’t do anything but pray that God will light their minds and make them realize that we all are human also, like them…

Whatever the kind of violence that people are facing, the victim is always a person, not a thing. A person that has feelings, a person from flesh and blood.  When you hit someone or beat them, the tears they cry and the words they say to make you stop, and yet you continue beating them without thinking, then the devil’s spirit increases in your soul and mind.  Why can you not stop and think about why they scream, why you feel you want to beat them, why you say words to harm them deeply and leave a painful trace that no one can ever erase.  Look at their eyes, the tears they are crying, try to feel their pain and hear the words they are trying to say every time they raise their hands to cover their face to protect themselves.  There is always words they scream – but you never hear. 

“Please stop. I’m a human just like you!”

  Jinan

January 22, 2011 Posted by | childhood, Death, emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, Hate, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Memorial, Memories, others, Parents, Past, Peace, Poverty, Promises, silence, Speak, suicide, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Violence, Wars, Words, youth | 36 Comments

Behind Closing Doors


Have you ever looked deeply in their eyes? There is a hidden message, have you ever read it? Through their silence, did you try to hear their unspoken words? They were screaming for help, have you ever heard them? When they take away their own life, you judge them as bad people or even unstable ones, but who knows what they have been through to reach that level of depression that pushed them to commit suicide? Behind closing doors we never know what’s going on in other’s lives.

People face a tremendous number of troubles, a few prefer to consult a psychologist, and some think that it’s a personal issue no one should interfere with. In the other hand they drown in the troubles. They keep on increasing until they lose control of themselves; they pay the price or the people who are close to them pay the price. Sometimes, the problem may be a very simple one, but it depends on the age of the person. When a 10 year old boy/girl faces a situation of bullying in school, at the same time he/she might have family problems and no one is there to listen to them. That for sure would affect their life, especially with the insecurity they are facing in their home. They would be having difficulties in their study, and also lack of self-esteem. They would think that they are not welcome in this life, instead of having good time in school to forget their problems at home, they are being scared to go there watching everyone destroying them. And when they go back home after school, instead of having a loving family who can help them, they are having a hard time with their parents. For them it is as if they are moving from hell to hell. When those children commit suicide, then everyone would wake up, and start searching for the reasons that lead that child to take away his/her life. They start wondering and recalling how they were always calm; they were polite and never talked in a loud voice. They were obeying, never hurt anyone. At home their parents go to check if there are any obstacles that their child was facing in school, and there they know what was going on with their child, but after what? After they lost them. Where were they when their child was coming back from school with teary eyes? Where were they when they called him/her for lunch and said they prefer to stay in their room? Where were they when their child woke up crying and feeling scared not knowing what to do. They never think of their child until after they lose them. They then remember that they should go and ask about what was happening with their child. This is what I call selfish. When parents want to be selfish, why would they get married? When they don’t want to protect their children with their eyes, why would they have children? If they are immature to solve their troubles with wisdom, why would they involve other lives in theirs?

 We don’t expect a 10 year old child or even 15 years old teen to get what’s going on around them. When it’s too much to handle, especially at this age , they need caring people to keep on watching over them and guiding them to the right track, because even if they passed that phase in their life, they might drown later when they get older. They would be involved in other issues, like: drugs, violence, stealing etc.. If they opened their eyes watching their dad violent with their mom, they would do the same when they get married, and they would consider their actions right, because their dad is their idle. We never know what’s going on behind closing doors. Families face battles, and the silence that covers up, we would explore suddenly with hearing shocking news, and our first thought is: “They looked like a very happy family, what happened to them?” But the truth is, they’ve never been a happy family, their home’s doors were closing all the time, and we never know what was going on there. However, some people love to judge others; it’s in their nature. They never look at the reasons that led to that person to take way his/her life; they always focus on the result.

A little accident happened with me lately. Someone knocked on our door, I opened up and I saw an old man in his early 60’s. He seemed lost, something in his eyes made me wonder at the same moment what’s with that man. He asked me about my dad, I replied that dad is not home. I was about to ask him if he would like to leave a message to dad, he left me talking to myself and turned his back and left. My mom came at that moment and saw me and the expression on my face because of how he left. She asked me: “Who’s that? And what does he want?” I was really shocked and said, “What’s going on with that man? He just left me talking to myself without saying a word of thanks. I was kind of not satisfied about what he did, especially that I was very polite with him. My mother smiled for what happened with me, but in someway, that man stuck on my head. I kept thinking of what was wrong with him, he seemed very lost, his eyes were really teary. I felt something wrong with him and that’s why he was on my mind until a few days ago, I heard that he committed suicide. I was shocked, and recalled the moment I opened the door and saw him standing there lost, as if he’s searching for something. I knew the reason why he left me talking to myself without even saying “Thank you” or if as he’ll come again later. I recognized how much he was not there even when he was there asking about my dad. He wasn’t focusing on what he’s doing or with whom he’s talking. Later on, I knew from others who knew that man that he has tremendous troubles in his family and with his son. I wish I never saw him. I keep wondering why did he give up at this age? He must have been in a very difficult situation through his life, but why would he give up now? He’s supposed to be stronger and wiser to deal with his problems. But then again, I’m not in his shoes to know what was going on with that old man. I keep recalling his teary eyes and wish I could help him. I never knew that people at this age might take away their life too. Now I know more than ever, that no matter how strong the person might be, no matter how happy the person might look, in one moment he might be the weakest, and in one moment he might collapse and break down. 

Never bully a person, you should be thinking that you may be pushing them to end their lives. Never ignore the tears you see in other’s eyes, with one question you ask: “Are you okay? Can I help you?” you may be saving his life by knowing that there is someone ready to open his arms and hold them and stand by them. Always try to make those who feel insecure, feel security. Find a way and show them love and care, you may be helping them to live longer.

Behind closing doors, there is a hidden secret; you can’t break those doors to find the truth. But at least, never judge in a bad way on those who take away their life, or even on those who try to and fail. Ask yourself why didn’t you wipe their tears at least once? Why didn’t you hear them screaming instead of closing your ears? Why didn’t you think to solve their problems when they kept silent? It’s true that their home’s door was closed and you couldn’t do anything to help, but why didn’t you ever take the chance to get close to them when they opened the door and left their home, instead of judging them?

  Jinan

November 28, 2010 Posted by | childhood, Death, emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Letters, Life, Love, Memorial, Memories, Mother, news, others, outsiders, Parents, Past, Peace, Poverty, Promises, silence, Smile, Speak, suicide, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Violence, Words, youth | 6 Comments

The Outsiders


They are humans just like us, enjoying their life, and having their own families. But, they always feel as if they don’t belong to the world they are living in; they feel like they are strangers from their family and friends. They are the outsiders.

 Agony is their best friend; no matter how hard they try to let themselves get out of that circle of misery, they can’t. They are unable to resist the feeling that the whole world is against them, even with their friends, they keep on feeling that they don’t belong to that friendship. They live as strangers in this life, living to figure out what they lack, but they never find the reason behind this feeling. They never find the answers for their questions.

Sensitivity is their first problem, and aggression is one of their biggest issues. However, it is not towards people, sometimes just towards themselves. They treat themselves as if their existence is their fault; the world looks at them as normal people but they victimize themselves. What lies behind their odd sentiments is what they have been through in life.

Violence is one of the main reasons that cause them to have a low self esteem. Especially when they experience it with their families; this is a real tragedy, for a family should save them from violent behavior that they face outdoors. The definition of a home should be a place that reinforces confidence, comfort, tenderness, safety, respect, happiness and so on. So when the fear grows with them inside their home, when they leave their place every morning to face the street life with no self-esteem, they are not able to face the world bravely. Their families are supposed to welcome them with arms wide open to decrease their pain, but instead, that same family turns their back on them. Therefore, the feeling that they don’t belong to the world they live in starts to grow up inside of them. If his/her own family has never accepted them, then they begin to think, “How can strangers or the whole world accept me?” And so, they started their journey outdoor as outsiders.

Their weak personality prevents them from accepting others, and no matter how simple things go, they view it in a negative way. They always doubt their abilities and people who surround them. They are used to expecting to be the ones held responsible; even if someone is complimenting them, they feel as they are being bullied. And if someone defends them for some reason, they feel as if they are being pitied. In their opinion, they are bothering every person they meet on this earth, though they are not. The outsiders have a fragile heart; they feel that the whole world is working against them. Their negative thoughts and what they have been through their life, make things worse on them when they go out to experience life. They meet people who will make fun of them, will have managers who will be little them, will face challenges, and will fail to avoid the traps that some competitors set up to make them fall. How are they supposed to move on with their life as outsiders?

 They didn’t choose to have this feeling; no one likes to be a stranger in life, live emotionally away from his/her own family, or have a kind of distance with their close friends. But life sometimes is unfair to some people, especially when their families help the world be against them. They become paranoid, with a hunch that everyone is following them; they feel that they are wrong even though they are right. They are humans just like us; they are living between us but far away, they are living inside this world but as outsiders .

 Jinan

July 28, 2010 Posted by | childhood, emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, others, outsiders, Past, Peace, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Violence, Words | 7 Comments

Let them go with a smile…


Life goes on and so do we, after the chances we miss, the risks we take and fail, the people who come our way just to hurt us and leave, it’s all good, even if they leave a scar, it would be all good if you just let them go with a smile from your heart…

Fear, this feeling that makes us feel weak, sometimes paralyzes us and won’t allow us to move forward, always backward…. We fear from flying or taking the risks but do we really fear from flying or the reality we are scared from falling down?  Any chance we miss, the hesitation crosses our mind, bad ideas flow towards our imagination, and one question is to ask: “Are we scared of taking those chances or  is the real fear about missing them? “.

Life goes on if we just let all what happens to us go with a smile, the smile won’t heal but it gives us hope to move forward, all the tears we cry endlessly, it hurts our eyes but also purifies our heart and soul. It gives us new look towards certain things or certain people we meet… Everything happens for a reason… The people who come to our path from nowhere, some come for a very short time and leave after they cause a huge heartache; and those who become a big part of our lives for years, they just let us down for no reason, life changes them; and those who swear nothing will set us apart, they would be the first to betray the friendship by being the first to push us down. We better let them all go with a smile, never regret knowing them.

How many times we ask why? But do we truly want to know the answers?? We worry about knowing the truth because sometimes behind every truth there is a mask that will fall down from a face we used to love … behind every word why? There is a truth that will be revealed, behind every question we ask why? The reality of those who we used to miss might show , a smile might fade away with those who promised to come back someday, but never did… Maybe it’s better to keep asking why? Without knowing the reason, though we keep wondering, but it’s better to let it go with a smile…

 God sends a lesson with every one of them to make us learn whom we should trust, and to whom we should really give other chances, and the what’s more that God teaches us through them, is the great lesson of “Forgiveness”. Never have hard feelings towards those who caused you heartaches. Forgive them, let them go with a smile from your heart, and have faith that God will send you the right people at the right time…

Life is full of surprises, not all of the them are happy ones, sometimes nature surprises us with crisis, but after that we stand up and fix the damages, we move forward, but again nature might surprise us with yet another crisis, a hurricane or another earth quake, millions of people lose their lives in those crisis, but it’s a test for other millions of people to accept what they lost and to start over… The question is: “How much do we have faith in God to thank him and be ready to let it go with a smile?” Every day is a new chance we take, a new risk we should be ready to make, we should accept if we missed those chances, or failed in the risks we took. In every day, a new person comes our way; we should expect that those people who we are meeting today came for a reason. Never regret what you face in your daily life, if we are wise enough, we should be ready to accept it all with an open heart…

Life goes on, and so do we… The chances we missed, the risks we were afraid to make, the people who came and left without a trace, only scars to remind us to never repeat the same mistakes again…. Life goes on… It would be all good if you just believed in God and let it go with a smile from your heart…

Jinan

June 13, 2010 Posted by | emotions, English, fear, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Nature, news, others, Past, Peace, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, USA, Violence, Words | 15 Comments