Jinan Zeidan's Blog

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Sometimes


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Sometimes, we feel that we can’t talk, our voice is a prisoner inside us, our soul wants to fly but it’s a prisoner in this life…

Sometimes, we feel we can’t trust people who are really so close to us, so near…
Sometimes we feel we want to block every street so we can head nowhere…
Sometimes, it’s just them not us, whom we really fear meeting there…..

And sometimes, when they ask how we feel. we smile, telling a lie that we are fine, just to push them away…

Jinan

April 2, 2016 Posted by | emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, Hurt, Life, Love, Memories, Peace, Promises, silence, Speak, Thought, Trust, unfaithful, Words | 2 Comments

Just Try


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Try to see the tears in ones eyes even if they are smiling
Try to see the wounds that are bleeding even if they are trying to heal yours
Try to listen to the words “I need you” even if they hide behind words “I’m fine”…
Try to hold them back to life when they are leaving it inwardly…
Try not to do the things over and over again that you know would cause them pain…
Try to never ignore their presence while they ignore the world for you….
Try to understand that when they quit asking that means they know the truth….
And when the silence covers their days and they feel the urge to walk away not because they want to,
But simply because they miss the old you….

Jinan

March 12, 2016 Posted by | emotions, English, forgiveness, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Overseas, Peace, Precious, Promises, silence, Speak, Thought, Trust, Words | 3 Comments

Heart Made Of Stone


 

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Peaceful moment

You do your best to stay close to them,
They do their best to strongly push you away

You do your best to never refuse anything they ask you
They do their best to show you how bad you are refused

You say yes for everything showing how much you respect them
But you only hear the word NO when you search for YES

You ask for security and peace
But they tear your heart to pieces

You avoid showing your tears in front of them
Pretending you are strong
But they act as if your heart is made of stone

jinan

March 11, 2016 Posted by | emotions, English, fear, Life, Love, others, Peace, Promises, Qoutes, silence, Smile, Speak, Thought, Trust, Words | Leave a comment

To Xena With Love…


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To Xenaaa with love ….

There is that girl who left months ago
And after that I’m not the same at all…
She used to fill my days with happiness
My eyes lighten up when I see her shiny smile

There was a time when I heard her voice
The echoe plays in my ears
But in my eyes nothing but tears

I keep recalling our times together
The joyful moments, the pranks
The way she feels safe with me
Her secrets that she trusts that I’ll keep.

There is a girl who stole a big part of my heart
And moved to another country
Where I can’t reach her or touch her
I can’t look deeply in her eyes and tell her “she’s my life”

Even though the distance will never change anything
But I’ll always lack the urge to hug her
I’ll always wonder if she’s okay
Or if someone is making her unhappy there

I’ll always be waiting to see her angelic face
There is a part of me missing
There is a continuous pain that will never fade away
Until that precious girl comes home again

Jinan

ps:the photo belongs to Xena not taken from Internet.

March 9, 2016 Posted by | Arabic, Beirut, emotions, English, Footprints, friendship, Lebanon, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Mexico, Middle East, Overseas, Precious, Promises, Smile, Thought, Trust, Words | 2 Comments

Life Is A Game


imageWe don’t hurt people on purpose, some do mean to and others don’t..
We don’t feel happy when we see or know that someone is crying over us,

but we do cry for never meaning that too…
We don’t mean to shout and scream ,

but when we feel that they are shocking  us by their behavior, it’s our inner peace we seek.
Sometimes they force us to act in a way where we hate ourselves,

that’s what makes us escape from them for acting so weird.

We say sorry for putting a period to make it clear it’s the end, but they keep on deleting it and put a comma instead.

It turns into a game between one who doesn’t give up after it’s too late , and other who gets tired of hiding over and over again. At the end , life itself is a game.

It’s full of happy endings and sad ones. Exclamation marks cover the relationships but most of them end with question marks that poison their veins.

In a paradoxical life we have to expect the unexpected. We might never mean to leave but we find ourself saying goodbye..
We might never mean to fall in love but out of   nowhere we feel it in our hearts…
We may swear to stay forever but we leave after a lot of suffering…
We might say we’re leaving someone but we find ourselves stuck. Forever..

We don’t plan to pick those we love and those we hurt, it’s fate that put them in our way…

Some get off the track accidentally and hurt us, and others are pushed away and hurt by us

Life is a game but a complicated one, sometimes it’s all about who wins and who loses, but not  everyone who wins is a winner, and not everyone who loses is a loser…

Some people lose themselves to protect others, and some others win happiness and prizes after they cause a lot of damage in another person’s life

Life is about when to put a comma and continue, when we should draw a question mark and wait for a convincing answer, when we put an exclamation mark and assure it, and when after all that happens, to have the courage to put a “period” and end it all.

jinan

August 18, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

So Dear…


It’s not about the tears we shed, it’s about the reasons that are behind them.

It’s not about the attitude we show, it’s about the pain we hide

It’s never easy to say how we feel when our heart is broken inside.

In the silence we drown in the words we feel the urge to say

When the moment of feeling lost covers the heart and we try so hard to understand

What is going on; the truth about what we see, is it real?

The pain in our soul, why is it so deep?

It’s not about them or us, it’s about when we get lost

One word, in one word that they didn’t mean, in one act which was by mistake

Is it a crime to be real and speak your mind ?

It’s not about the distance we create, it’s about the days we miss without listening to a word

It’s a day of feeling lost, real happiness escapes..

It’s not about the confusion that we feel,

It’s all about that no matter what happens they will always be soo dear….

Jinan

February 3, 2014 Posted by | Death, emotions, English, fear, Footprints, forgiveness, friendship, Hate, Hurt, Lebanon, Letters, Love, Memories, outsiders, Overseas, Past, Peace, Promises, silence, Smile, Speak, Trust, unfaithful, Words, youth | Leave a comment

Behind The Fire Lines


Behind the fire lines

Are nothing but prayers that cover her fears

But it can’t prevent her tears from falling and drawing hundreds of questions

With the painful one: where is he now?

She knows God is always there for all the people who are fighting for their right

To get their freedom back..

But things get complicated and the image is foggy when blood covers the land

All she hears is people screaming and hearts deeply bleeding

Behind the fire line he’s standing there

Who knows what’s going on?

There, is it a safe place? Or is he not okay?

Thoughts are the big enemy too when they takes us to imagine an anonymous bloody place

Where people went asking for peace and suddenly haters cut them into pieces on the streets

She’s fighting the evil thoughts by praying and trusting God that He will take care of him…

She sleeps every night wishing to see him in her dreams

A dream can heal for once even if reality will slap her on the face

When she wakes up

But at least it will stop the tears for a while ..

Behind the fire lines her heart is burning there trying to search for his face

And her soul is aching while waiting for his return …

Jinan

July 6, 2013 Posted by | Accidents, Death, Egypt, emotions, fear, Hate, Human Rights, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memories, Middle East, news, others, Overseas, Parents, Peace, Politics, R.I.P Mighty soldiers, silence, Soldiers, Speak, Thought, Trust, Violence, Wars, Words, youth | 2 Comments

Mother’s Day


In her eyes you can read the words she keeps unspoken and in her heart you can feel the pain through a wound that is left unhealed. You can tell her that everything is going to be fine, you can tell her any lie just to make her feel good but she’s not blind, she knows what she feels is real…

A mother that lost her young boy in a war. She missed him coming through the door, on this day. She missed his hug, his laughter in place, when he used to scream “Happy Mother’s Day to my wonderful mom” and continue saying in a funny way, “I’m the luckiest guy on earth to have a mother like you. Seriously mom look at me, you brought someone like me into this life, that defines how amazing you are” and the laughter used to increase and her prayer for him too..

But, today she’s searching for her wonderful man, who used to fill the house with joy, but she can’t find him, she checks his room, his photos … She recalls the memories since he was a little boy, what he used to say with his gift, but the thing she remembers most is that he never forgets to say “I can’t imagine living in this life for one day without you mom”… These words killed her and every time she recalls them, she mumbles: “Who says I can? Daily, you are taking me from this life hundreds and hundreds of times at night…”

He is in a better place, that’s what his sisters tells her when she talks about him and cries. All these words that have been said to turn off the fire in her heart, are not working, because her heart is still wounded, missing her only son who used to make her the happiest mother on Mother’s Day and every day!

War. This monster that kidnaps soldiers in war, steals them from their mother’s lap, to break their hearts into millions of pieces. What would their mothers say on Mother’s Day? What would she feel while her heart never stops bleeding, missing her son who left one day without having a chance to say what he wants to say; maybe he thought he would come back home safe, maybe he never thought that his life will end there. It doesn’t matter what he thought, what matters is that he is not here anymore….

Years goes by, and the silent pain grows in the her heart, but the only day that her soul aches more than ever is on Mother’s Day. Maybe she envies the mothers who have never lost a son or maybe it’s only a wish that turns to a nightmare if only he visits her today…

She is the mother that is living her life in the memory of her son, her hero … All her other children are still around her. She gets the gifts, she gets the flowers and they all hold her on this special day like every day with tenderness and love… but through their laughter and warm hugs, her eyes are staring at the door.. she is still waiting with her pain that kills, missing her precious son and to feel how wonderful she is for bringing such a wonderful son like him into the world. But the feeling will never be felt again the day he left world, and the echo still comes to hear ears: “Happy Mother’s Day to the most wonderful mom on earth..”

March 23, 2013 Posted by | childhood, Death, emotions, English, Hurt, Letters, Life, Love, Memorial, Memories, Mother, others, Parents, Past, photos, Promises, R.I.P Mighty soldiers, silence, Smile, Soldiers, Speak, Thought, Wars, Words | 3 Comments

2012 in review


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 7,400 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 12 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

December 31, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Mighty Soldiers


She was there holding his hand begging him to stay

He was forced to leave her, how he wished to be there for another day. But he was comforting her by saying, “Anytime you need me, I’ll be there.”

“How is that?” she thought. He handed her a necklace with the name of the Lord engraved on it. “This will protect you and keep you from any harm”; she held it close to her heart.

She cried silently; her tears were burning every little breath she was taking.

Duty was calling him to serve his country, his steps were getting far while her heart was breaking apart.

Days passed by and months were like decades waiting for any news from him.

They said the war is near and never seeing his face was the only thing she feared.

She looked at her one year old child and holding him tight.

She said, “Please Lord, protect the father of my child and the man of my life. Keep him safe and bring him back home alive.

” Days passed by and the only seat she sat on was her husband’s, spending time on the balcony waiting for him to come.

One day she heard a knock on the door, and was hoping that her hero had come back home.

She opened the door and a soldier was standing there…She realized she became The mighty soldier’s widow.

She was frozen in place and didn’t dare say a word.

The man said, “Sorry ma’am for your loss, your husband was a brave soldier.” before he continued talking, she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

The world stopped for hours and a deep silence filled the place; she opened her eyes to see all the family surrounding her.

Some were crying, others were in shock but she was the only one who was dying.

Mighty soldiers leave their places to serve their country, leaving behind a wife and kids who are waiting them to come back home. What do we know about their feelings when they leave to the military?

Their kids’ and wife’s photos are their ID’s to find their feelings. Their fears that their children’s eyes will be seen for the last time, their heart aches silently leaving their wives, the love of their life, and never have the chance to feel it again.

Lucky are those who come back to their families even though the sad images from wars are stuck in their minds. But what about those who never come back, leaving everything behind them? Sacrificing their happiness, and all the happy moments they will spend with their children to protect their country and fight for their rights that the enemies want to take from them.

They are fighters with mighty hearts who believe in God, who are ready to give their own life to save hundreds. These are people who are ready to sacrifice their own happiness with their families in return giving a chance for thousands of men to have happiness with their own loved ones.

Just by thinking of a woman standing by her window waiting for her man to come back home after the war, and getting nothing but a dead body without a soul…

Just by thinking of her place: how the emptiness filled it even though her kids are playing around…

Just by thinking of her packing his clothes, his favorite CDs, by recalling his last words, smiling for the good memories and crying more for the bad ones….

Just by thinking of her speechless when her kids ask her, “When will dad come back home?”… It tears my heart apart to think of any woman who lost her husband in a war, how long she would stand her loss, and her longing to see him again…

They are mighty soldiers, those who swore to protect their country and be loyal to their promise…

I believe that the moment they take their last breath, a new angel enters heaven after serving his time on earth beneath…

  Jinan

September 5, 2012 Posted by | Death, fear, Human Rights, Letters, Life, Love, Memorial, Memories, others, Parents, Peace, R.I.P Mighty soldiers, Soldiers, Speak, Thought, USA, Violence, Wars, Words | , , | 5 Comments

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